Sunday, May 10, 2009

A Mother's Heart

Mother's Day kind of breaks my heart....I know it's meant to be a day where we honor our Mother's, Grandmothers, and the women who have influenced our lives. But from experience I think that sometimes Mother's Day turns into a day that points out the difficultites that so many struggle with - infertility.

Here is a day that is designated for MOTHER'S. There are songs sang by children in sacrament meeting, pictures drawn and gifts made in preschool, cards made and signed by older children, and dinners planned and put together by father's. There are talks at church about fulfilling your calling as a mother, about being a better mother, about be a more patient and giving mother, and even talks about how wonderful other's own mothers are.

So where in all of that fit the women with "mother's hearts" who have yet to bring these children into their families?

I remember many Mother's Days of my own spent at home, or away from church - avoiding what would surely be the most painful Sunday of the year. Not wanting to sit in a bench without children to hold, and listen to all of the fantastic gifts of motherhood from the speakers on the stand I told Cory I didn't feel like I felt very well, and would stay home. I didn't think I could listen to the angelic voices of children sing "Mother Dear, I love you so....." and think about how I didn't have a little boy or girl up on the stand to sing to ME. And I certainly didn't want to have one of the young men handing out flowers to the mothers at the end fo the meeting stop and pause - not sure if he was supposed to give me one of the potted plants - afterall, I didn't have children.....was i a mother?

There were other Mother's Day Sunday's where we went to church and tears silently slid down my cheek as I prayed fervently that Heavenly Father would answer my cries for children so I too could be recognized as a "mother". I felt like there was a spotlight on me that flashed in neon lights, "SHE SHOULDN'T BE HERE - SHE'S NOT A MOTHER!"

It was heartbreaking, painful, and empty.

So now I have 2 sweet children of my own - 2 little boys to bring me breakfast in bed, sweet cards, and extra hugs and kisses through the day. I should be thrilled, and elated to celebrate Mother's Day with them (and I am, don't get me wrong). But there is still just a little place in my heart that breaks for these women I know who still long for children of their own to hold. I wish it was something I could take away, something I could do to stop the hurt of those who struggle with it. Remembering how it felt makes my heart break for them...

There is some comfort in Julie B. Beck's thoughts,

In my experience I have seen that some of the truest mother hearts beat in the breasts of women who will not rear their own children in this life, but they know that "all things must come to pass in their time" and that they "are laying the foundation of a great work" (D&C 64:32–33). As they keep their covenants, they are investing in a grand, prestigious future because they know that "they who keep their second estate shall have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever" (Abr. 3:26). (Sister Julie B. Beck - "A Mother Heart")

So as you celebrate the Mother's in your life - remember also the WOMEN in your life, the ones who have made a difference and who posess "A Mother's Heart". Give them a little extra love and attention, love, and thoughts....


Brian & Charlotte Carper said...

This is so sweet of you. I remember crying with you as you waited all those years and now I cry with Alicia as she struggles with the same thing.

It was cool when she was at the ER yesterday. Here the doctor is an ear, nose and throat guy, but he looked at her and said, You have PCOD. And she said, yeah, I do. and he said we have great medicines to help you. If you've been trying for more than a year, we can get you meds to help you.

So that was kind of strange. You don't expect that kind of insight from an ENT doc, but you never know what a doctor is interested in just because his specialty is something else.

Of course, now she has 4 kids that actually cry and need fed and behinds wiped just like really children, so that is keeping her distracted this weekend.

LOVE YOU, Charlotte

Fayette said...

I'm so glad I decided to look at your blog today. Loved your post -- in our sacrament meeting today, one of the speakers actually paid tribute to her "other moms", those women in her life who had no children of her own, but played the role of mother in so many Young Women and Primary aged kids lives. It was so very touching. I was glad I was there. I usually dislike Mother's Day for another reason -- my mom died 17 years ago, and I'm still pouting. But I made it through today without feeling that dread. That's progress..and it's about time. Thanks for sharing your feelings!

Anonymous said...

Thanks Joanna for heartfelt insight. You have a precious family! Love, Tammy

The Little Rascals said...

I remember going trough that very same thing, it took us 5 years with the help of fertility to finally have our 2 beautiful miracles. Everyone kept trying to tell me that even though I didn't have kids of my own, I was being a mother to other children, I always kept saying that is not the same. Until you have gone through something like that, people don't know how it feels to not be able to have children. So I feel very blessed to have my 2 little kids. I love them, and I still think about the time when we sat there in sacrament meeting on mother's day with no children and I kind of very a little awkward. I am glad I looked at your blog today, I always like to read what you write! Thanks Joanna.

The Mullen Family said...

Very well put Joanna. You always have such inspiring words. My heart, thoughts, and prayers go out ot all those with a mother's heart also. Love you.

MaryRuth said...

oh my... we wrote almost the exact same thing. we were meant to be friends!

love ya!

MaryRuth said...

AND I meant to say Happy Mother's Day!!!

amylynne said...

I found MaryRuth's blog through a friend the other day, and then MaryRuth told me about this post... apparently all three of us were thinking/posting the exact same thing! :)