Gratitude - turns what we have into enough...

A few months ago we had a small, tender mercy that I have thought about over and over again.  As I sat in Sacrament Meeting today and listened to a friend's sweet talk on gratitude I remembered my little experience and wanted to document it and share it with people I love.

We were driving down the road one morning.  I think we were headed to church....normally this involves me frantically putting my makeup on in the car, the kids fighting about whether or not we had brought crayons to draw with at church, and general feelings of mayhem.  But in the midst of that it was quiet and calm for a moment and Gabe said, "Mom, Dad?  I just wanted to say thanks for taking us to a movie this weekend."

That was it - he just wanted to say THANKS.

He didn't want to express gratitude in hopes for something more.  He wasn't saying thanks so that I'd remember how fun it was and take him to another movie right away - he simply wanted to express gratitude - nothing more.  It made my heart fill with love for my children.  I'm sure it wasn't something he remembers doing and my husband says he doesn't remember it even happening, but it was a big moment for me.  My child was recognizing the value of expressing thanks for something.  It made me want to express gratitude more, and it made his simple expression of gratitude mean even more to me.

It made me think of my own expression of gratitude to my Heavenly Father.  How often do I pause to just say thank you?  How often do I not think about other things I could ask for, but simply tell Him I'm grateful for all He has richly blessed me with?  My prayers do involve gratitude - but all together too often that expression of gratitude is then followed with a list of things I also "need" or "want".  Most of the time I'm asking for good things, and frequently I'm even asking for things for other people - but inevitably my prayers are asking for things.

It made me think about how my Heavenly Father would feel if my prayers occasionally were only prayers of gratitude?  It made me want to spend more time in communication with my Heavenly Father and telling Him thank-you for the people He's placed in my life, the work we've had, the callings He has blessed me with, the physical blessings I've been given.  It made me want to acknowledge His hand in every aspect of my life.

So I encourage you to go and read this talk on gratitude by my sweet friend. During this spirit of Thanksgiving please have an "attitude of gratitude" and let the peace that can come from expressing that gratitude fill your lives, your homes and your heart.  I know I am so richly blessed and I hope I can adequately express my appreciation for that to my Heavenly Father.

Beautiful Quote...

I came across this quote tonight in some reading I was doing.  My heart stopped for a moment, my spirit told me it was true and the peace our Heavenly Father promises poured out.  So sweet, so very, very sweet!

"Never look ahead to the changes and challenges of this life in fear. Instead, as they arise look at them with full assurance that God, whose you are, will deliver you out of them… So hold tightly to His loving hands and He will lead you safely through all things. And when you cannot stand He will carry you in His arms…. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you unwavering strength that you may bear it. Be at peace, then, and set aside all anxious thoughts and worries".  (--Francis De Sales)

One of my favorite scriptures

I was sending an email to a friend and felt impressed to share this scripture.  It is one of my very favorite scriptures in the world and has helped to teach me in many instances in my life.

Mosiah 24: 10-16

• 10 And it came to pass that so great were their afflictions that they began to cry mightily to God.
• 11 And Amulon commanded them that they should stop their cries; and he ^aput guards over them to watch them, that whosoever should be found calling upon God should be put to death.
• 12 And Alma and his people did not raise their voices to the Lord their God, but did pour out their ^ahearts to him; and he did know the ^bthoughts of their hearts.
  13 And it ^acame to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.
• 14 And I will also ease the ^aburdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as ^bwitnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their ^cafflictions.
• 15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did ^astrengthen them that they could bear up their ^bburdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with ^cpatience to all the will of the Lord.
• 16 And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage.

 Specifically where they are told that the Lord will ease the burdens on their back - even so they cannot feel them. We often want the Lord to take away our burdens - make it all just go away and work out perfectly. Too often it doesn't work that way though, and the real lesson is submitting to His will and letting him carry us, as well as our burdens. I KNOW through times in my life that my burdens haven't gone away, but that I haven't carried them on my own. My own back has been strengthened and my ability to carry the burdens has been made possible by the help of my Heavenly Father.  I find such comfort in that message of peace and love.

Happy Birthday to one of my oldest and dearest friends

When I was in 2nd grade I met my best friend Tami Jewkes.  She had long dark hair, the sweetest disposition and I knew right away that we were going to be friends for a long time.  However, after a year in Mrs. Houser's class in 2nd grade they split our school and we'd be going to different schools for 3rd grade!  It was devastating, but we still played together all the time and kept our friendship going strong.  However, in 4th grade my family moved to Orem and chances of us seeing each other all the time seemed slim....BUT - we managed!  We'd spend long weekends together, meet 1/2 way to swap off where we stayed.  I went camping, hunting and on trips to Lake Powell or Green River with her family.  I LOVED the times we'd go on trips together!  We managed to stay great friends through college, we had our first babies within a week of each other and I love that we have facebook and email to keep up with each other.

One of my favorite things about Tami and my friendship was that our birthdays were just 2 days apart.  We had several birthady celebrations together and I remember getting matching pajamas one year for our birthdays.  (we also had miniature ones for our "My Child" dolls).  So when our birthday week comes up it makes me happy to know I get to celebrate it with one of the greatest girls there is!

This year Tami is doing something I'm SOOOOO proud of her for doing!  She's going to be running in the Wasatch Back Ragnar Relay!!!  I wish like heck that I could be there to cheer her on and to give her a huge hug at the end.  Having her come cheer me on at the Top of Utah 1/2 Marathon this past summer was one of the greatest things ever and I wish I could return the favor.  So good luck sweet friend, I can't wait till January when we do get to run together!  (YAY!)



I LOVED that I stumbled on this quote.  When we were in Jr. High Tami gave me a little tiny frame
with this same picture in it and I saved it all these years.  Love that girl!

Love This Girl!

I hope this doesn't come across that I have "favorites" (because I don't) - but I just want to say I just LOVE my sister-in-law Kori!  I just got off of chatting with her on facebook chat this afternoon and I just had that warm fuzzy feeling that reminds me that I have awesome people in my life.  You know the way you feel after being with a great friend and you want to say a quick little prayer to thank Heavenly Father for putting amazing people in your path?  Yeah - that feeling!

Kori is married to my husband Cory's little brother Chase.  Chase is a totally awesome guy too - and the two of them as a couple, and as parents to their darling kids - they rock!  Today Kori asked me if my husband had any funny towel habits (leaving wet washcloths puddled up in the sink, wiping weird things on the hand towels, etc).  She said that her husband did, but it was the ONLY thing that he did that drove her nuts.  I commented that for that to be the ONLY thing he did wrong was pretty amazing and awesome.  And know what?  She was serious!  She and Chase are so in love with each other - so cute and ooey-gooey with each other - it's darling!

Kori is an AWESOME mom too. She has 2 of the cutest little kids in the world and it just about breaks my heart when I look at their pictures and wish we lived closer.  Wish we got to spend birthdays together, celebrate more holidays together and just be regular participants in each others lives....

But since she's across the country in Indiana I'll have to settle on chatting on facebook, emails, ocasional phone calls (she totally gets that I'm not a phone person either - it's hard for both of us with 2 small kids!).  I'll be grateful for her understanding heart and good example to me.

Love you Kori!!!

(and sorry I stole these pictures from your Facebook page....)

Girlfriends

I love my girlfriends! I am so grateful that over the last several years I’ve learned how important having girlfriends is. I think before I had kids I didn’t understand the importance of having other women to talk to, spend time with, and help me feel validated and loved. But wow – how grateful I am to have some amazing women in my life!

Tonight I felt that a little extra. A group of my friends here in Texas get together once a week to watch a silly tv show. (The Bachelorette or The Bachelor – whatever is going on at the time). It’s a group of women that changes from week to week but we all enjoy getting together. We’ve all mentioned at one point or another that while we find the show mildly entertaining; the main reason we like getting together is to spend time with the other girls.

So tonight as we were getting ready to get together a group of us were driving together. We were picking everyone up and heading to a fun gal’s house and we realized that we were right down the road from another one of our friends. Someone mentioned that we should go kidnap her and make her come with us – even if she didn’t want to watch the show, we’d “make” her come spend time with us. So 5 of us descended on her doorstep and told her we were there to kidnap her and make her come with us. She started jumping up and down, clapping, squealing and cheering. She was THRILLED that we were there to make sure she came to spend time with us.

As we pulled up to our location we all commented in one way or another how great it was to have a group of girlfriends that got together with each other. Someone said, “I love this! I don’t think I’ve had a group of girlfriends like this since I was in high school!” Someone else said, “This FEELS like high school – kidnapping, giggling – I love it!” All I could do was smile – I love it too! And I love that we make an effort to do things together, have fun and take time for time with “the girls”.

In addition to the friends I have here (who I just love to pieces) I also still miss and love my friends back in Utah. One of my sweet friends from back in Utah text me this afternoon. She was worried about not having someone to watch her kids for something important. It just totally killed me because I couldn’t be there for her. I totally hated being thousands of miles away and not being able to scoop up her kids and help her out. So since that wasn’t an option I started trying to figure out who COULD help out. I found another friend through text to help her and I felt so grateful that I could do that. And then as I prayed and prayed for my sweet friend through the evening so her business meeting would go well my heart turned to her and I was sad that I have to live so far from her! And later in the evening the text she sent back to me made my eyes water with both tears of sadness and happiness, “Thanks so much! Love & miss u so much my heart hurts.” I don’t like that our hearts hurt – but I am grateful that we have friendships that are worth feeling our hearts hurt….

I am so grateful that Heavenly Father knows we need friends. I hope that I can be the kind of friend that others have been to me. I hope and pray that I can be able to lighten their load, make their hearts happy and share a part of myself in a way that we can all grow a little more into the women we’re supposed to become. Thanks girls!

Tender Mercies: Simple Quotes From a Beautiful Woman

Don't we all love when our prayers are answered through the words of another?  There are times in life where my prayers have been answered through a scripture I'm lead to, through a call from a friend or reminder from another.  I've found answers in pages of books, through lessons at church, on the radio, and even whispered in my ear from the still small voice.  Today's answers came in the form of a reminder - a reminder of a quote I have always loved by one of my heroes - Sister Marjorie Pay Hinckley.  A good friend shared this quote in our Relief Society lesson today and it was the answer I needed:

 “I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived." --Sister Marjorie Hinckley

As I went looking for the quote once I got home from church I was lead to a myriad of wonderful quotes she has shared over the years she was on earth.  As I re-read these gems I was reminded that right now I need to slow down and love my family.  I need to enjoy the time I have with my boys at this age, I need to cherish and treasure every moment.  In the particular challenge I had been longing to "fix" I was reminded that I need to "save the relationship" and not be filled with despair.  As I read her thoughts I felt a huge weight lifted and a reminder that I am good enough (you're good enough too!) and that I need to not be so hard on myself as a wife, mother and woman.  I need to try, and I need to move forwars with love in my heart.  I hope that some of these quotes can be a beautiful reminder to you as well. 

(These quotes were all found at this website.)
• "We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are."

• "Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

• "Home is where you are loved the most and act the worst."

• "The trick is to enjoy life. Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead. The grand and the simple. They are equally wonderful."

• "I know it is hard for you young mothers to believe that almost before you can turn around the children will be gone and you will be alone with your husband. You had better be sure you are developing the kind of love and friendship that will be delightful and enduring. Let the children learn from your attitude that he is important. Encourage him. Be kind. It is a rough world, and he, like everyone else, is fighting to survive. Be cheerful. Don't be a whiner."

• "Be a Mother who is committed to loving her children into standing on higher ground than the enviroment surrounding them. Mother's are endowed with a love that is unlike any other love on the face of the earth."

• "Think about your particular assignment at this time in your life. It may be to get an education, it may be to rear children, it may be to be a grandparent, it may be to care for an relieve the suffering of someone you love, it may be to do a job in the most excellent way possible, it may be to support someone who has a difficult assignment of their own. Our assignments are varied and they change from time to time. Don't take them lightly. Give them your full heart and energy. Do them with enthusiasm. Do whatever you have to do this week with your whole heart and soul. To do less than this will leave you with an empty feeling."

• "We are all in this together. We need each other. Oh, how we need each other. Those of us who are old need you who are young, and hopefully, you who are young need some of us who are old...We need deep and satisfying and loyal friendships with each other. These friendships are a necessary source of sustenance. We need to renew our faith every day. We need to lock arms and help build the kingdom so that it will roll forth and fill the whole earth."

• "There are some years in our lives that we would not want to live again. But even these years will pass away, and the lessons learned will be a future blessing."

• "The grand and the simple. They are equally wonderful."

• "Elder Neal A. Maxwell once said, "We are here in mortality, and the only way to go is through; there isn't any around!" I would add, the only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."

• "The trouble with the world and the trouble with you and me is that we don't love each other enough. And if we do, we don't bother to show it, or we don't bother to say it. If the world is to know love, it has to be in your heart and in mine."

• "Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

• "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, “Wow what a ride!"

• "Just Save the Relationship" - from the book Glimpses, Sis's Hinckley's advice to her grandaughter when she needed to know what to do about the fits her daughter was throwing. Just save the relationship."

• "True spirituality makes you loving and grateful, and forgiving, and patient, and gentle, and long-suffering. True spirituality breathes reverence into every act and deed."

• "As we got closer to marriage, I felt completely confident that Gordon loved me. But I also knew somehow that I would never come first with him. I knew I was going to be second in his life and that the Lord was going to be first. And that was okay. It seemed to me that if you understood the gospel and the purpose of our being here, you would want a husband who put the Lord first."

• "...the beautiful thing--perhaps the thing I love most about the gospel-- is that everything we learn we can use and take with us and use it again. No bit of knowledge goes wasted. Everything you are learning now is preparing you for something else. Did you know that? What a concept!"

• "As you create a home, don't get distracted with a lot of things that have no meaning for you or your family. Don't dwell on your failures, but think of your successes. Have joy in your home. Have joy in your children. Have joy in your husband. Be grateful for the journey."

• "Develop some intellectual curiosity. If you have it, you will never be bored. If you haven't, cultivate it, hold fast to it. Never let it go. To the intellectually curious, the world will always be full of magic, full of wonder. You will be interesting to your friends, to your spouse, and a joy to your children. You will be alive to all the wonderful possibilities of this world."

• "Everything you are learning is preparing you for something else.”

Thank you Sister Hinckley for sharing your words of wisdom and advice.  I felt as if I had spent an afternoon being taught at the loving side of a grandmother or friend.  Thank you.

Perfect Thoughts!

You know when you read something that just fits exactly what you've been searching for? When you find a PERFECT answer in someone else's words? That's the case with this article I just read:

LDS.org - New Era Article - Five Scriptures That Will Help You Get through Almost Anything

• Scripture One: We Know That God Loves His Children! (1 Nephi 11:17)
• Scripture Two: We Know That God Allows Evil to Exist in the World (Moses 7:26–33)
• Scripture Three: Our Work Is Not Finished! (Alma 14:13)
• Scripture Four: The Atonement Is Not Just for Sinners (Alma 7:11–12)
• Scripture Five: One Day, the Lord Will Reveal All Things (D&C 101:32–36)
• The Ultimate Answer - The Lord Is Over All

John Byetheway has always been one of my very favorite speakers. I loved hearing him at EFY when I was a kid. I've loved watching his Deseret Book video specials and I have always had fun listening to his books on tape - he's just awesome. But tonight as I read this article I wasn't impressed because of his witty-banter, or the silly way he performs - I was touched by the spirit. That happens frequently when listening to Brother Byetheway, but this time I was just so touched that some of the words I was searching for (both for myself and for some other people I'd been thinking about, praying for) were perfect for the situations. Guess that is another one of those tender mercies that we're so often blessed with.

So read the article - I promise you won't be disappointed!

Giving to Others

I saw this picture in a friend's Facebook album (she found it on Pintrest....a phenomenon I have yet to get involved with....) and it made me smile.  Not only because it made me think about how true the sentiment is and how blessed we become by serving others, but even more because it reminded me of my Dad.  My Dad has an ability to give to others in a no-strings-attached kind of way and he does it so often, and so well. What a blessing it has been in my life to have my cute Dad as an example of serving and giving to others.  I could write a long novel of all of the things he does on a regular basis, as well as some pretty big one-time kind of deals - but knowing him it would almost defeat the purpose.  He gives in secret, he doesn't do it with banners and balloons announcing his gifts, he does it quietly, secretly, and with no expectations of thanks or fanfare.  That's one of the things I love about him.  Thanks Dad.

Create

I don't know if I've ever shared this video message before....if not - check it out.  I LOVE everything about this video.  The message, the music, the images - most of all, the feeling that my heart feels.  I know that our Heavenly Father wants us to create - whether it be works of art, families, beautiful living spaces, friendships, love.....So don't listen to the critics that might keep you down.  Rely on the spirit and your capacity to create will grow!

Inspirational Friends

(This was a journal entry I wrote in October.  After I finished this layout today I wanted to share it with my experience.)

As I started to run in my fist ½ marathon (August 7th, 2010 – Provo Canyon) I knew that one of the only ways I was going to be able to run this race was with the divine help of my Heavenly Father. I also knew that He wanted me to run this race. I felt that the race had been placed in my life for me to succeed at, to give me strength for the trials coming up in my life, and to be a starting point for more physical challenges I might want to undertake in the near future. I had felt from the moment I made the decision to run in the race that it had been an answer to prayers – both my own and prayers of those who love me.

 

But in the moment that the race was about to begin and I started one of the many prayers in my heart for the day I had a thought enter my mind that changed the race for me….and quite possibly changed my outlook and life from that point forward. I had the thought that it was important to pray before a race (I’d had other experiences regarding prayer and running that had proven this to me) – but that if I focused on “Please bless ME to run better. Please take away the pain in MY feet – etc” that I would be focusing entirely too much on myself. In doing that I worried that I might find myself focusing on my difficulties, my pains, and that it might make those things seem worse in some ways. Sure as you run it is important to think about yourself somewhat – I mean who else is going to tell your legs to move, or your lungs to breathe…but I needed to take myself out of the equation for a moment.

 

So as I started the race I decided that from that point on when I needed some help in my running, or needed a distracting thought to keep me from focusing on the difficult task or pain in my body – I would say a prayer for someone else. Instantly I knew what I needed to do. A friend of mine Cathryn Jensen from the Transformation.com group I’m a part of was embarking on a VERY difficult race that day also. She would be doing the Pine Valley 15 mile run. This run made my ½ marathon look like a picnic as the trails were off road, steep, difficult and it was even longer in distance. I knew that Cathryn was nervous about the race and that it was something she was incredibly scared about.

 

So as I began my prayers I prayed that Heavenly Father would bless her with wings on her feet. I asked that she would have a calm mind, that her pains would be eliminated and that she would find the strength I knew she had within herself. If a blister started to hurt I’d pray and ask that Cathryn’s shoes would fit comfortably, that her legs would move strongly and that she would enjoy the time she was having in the beautiful mountains.

 

As I did this I was feeling closer to my Heavenly Father, and I was able to not focus on the hard time I was having. It was so powerful to me. But truthfully after the race I didn’t think too much about it….not until I read Cathryn’s account of the race that she ran. As I read what she had journaled about after her experience it came full circle – it made sense and strengthened my testimony of prayer in a way I haven’t quite experienced before. Here are just a few of the words she wrote about things she learned from her run:

•  Heavenly Father truly does care about our goals and personal accomplishment:
• I have back issues. I injured my back in the MTC (missionary training center) many years ago. My bottom two vertebrae are squished together and push on my sciatic nerve. For many years this has caused me a lot of pain. I have never been able to run more than a couple of miles without stopping to stretch my back out and decompress. I usually complete a run limping because it is just too much pounding pressure for my back to handle. Today, I didn’t have to stop once out of pain. My back didn’t even “twinge” or falter in the least. I have never felt more strength in my back as I did today.
• The last month or so, my right knee has hurt once I hit 5 miles or so of running; not today. Not an ounce of pain.
• I live at sea level in California. Today’s run was at 6500 feet. Not once did I feel like I was gasping for air or struggling to get enough oxygen today. I have felt it every run I have done here in Utah, but not today.
• Today’s weather could not have been more perfect. It was cool (60ish degrees), very overcast, breezy and even sprinkled on us a few times. When I thought to myself, “wow, we are so lucky to have such nice weather this morning” I had a very calm, warm and peaceful feeling penetrate my heart and my soul heard the words, “I did it for you.” (Ok, now I am crying AGAIN just thinking about this. I know what I heard; I heard a loving Father ‘s whisper.)

As I read her account and feelings and the tears flowed freely - I had the strongest rush of gratitude for her experience. SO grateful that she took the time to write about how she’d felt. I felt so strong in my heart, “Those blessings were answers to prayers.” I didn’t have the feeling of “look what you did” – because I didn’t have anything to do with it. I had the feeling of “You looked outside of yourself as you ran – which blessed you. But at the same time it blessed others. We are all so connected and prayers are one of the most important ways of connecting us.” My testimony of prayer exploded that day and I felt such a confirmation of love from our Heavenly Father who wanted Cathryn and I to both have beautiful experiences.

 

So I’ve thought about this experience as I’ve ran other races. I’ve tried to focus on others, tried to think of other people who my need prayers answered (don’t we all???). Because of that my running time has become a sacred time for me. The time when my feet hit the pavement and I feel the fresh air are not only therapeutic for my body – but they are energizing and refreshing for my spirit and my soul. I feel so close to my Heavenly Father and the blessings He is waiting to pour out on me. I find my running time to be truly one of the most spiritual places I can be. I have had inspiration whispered in my ears, feelings brought to my heart and answers literally told to me in my mind. Running is a sanctuary for me and for that I will be eternally grateful.

 

I had the blessing of getting to meet Cathryn in person this past week at the Denver Transformation Conference. As I was leaving the convention on Saturday I had the feeling like I should tell Cathryn about my experience back in August. We would both be running in the ½ marathon the following morning and I felt a strong feeling like I should tell her how her running in Pine Valley had changed my testimony and blessed me for life. I felt a little apprehensive about telling her because I didn’t want to say, “Look at me – I prayed for you.” That just sounded so pompous and proud….so I tried to find the right words and tell her of the experience.

 

As I finished telling her how it had blessed me, and how grateful I was that she shared the blessings she’d felt as she ran she was just so sweet about it. She wiped the tears away and I remember her saying, “You’re making me cry – and I don’t cry!” I loved looking at her face and the sweet, beautiful connection we were able to make. I’m so grateful that my experiences with the Transformation.com community have blessed my life in many, many ways. I am so blessed to have been touched and inspired by many people like Cathryn. So grateful for that!

 

 

Journaling from the layout:

 

One of the highlights of attending the Denver Transformation conference was meeting Cathryn Jensen. Cathryn has been a big inspiration to me through my Transformation journey. She is such a strong and amazing woman and mom. I have learned a lot about hard work and not giving up from her. I got to share with her the experience I had when I ran my first half marathon and how she’d touched me. (She was also running a big race at the same time and I concentrated on praying for her when my own race would become difficult for me. Focusing on someone else while turning my heart to prayer helped me to not focus on my own difficult journey while my heart was drawn out in prayer. I loved giving her a hug and telling her how great I think she is! (October 16, 2010)

 

I have been changed for good....

I dreaded this moment – the moment when I was going to have to lock the door to our house, close the door and get into my car packed up with all of our belongings headed to Texas. I had thought about my feelings and what they would be at that moment several times over the last couple months as we prepared for our new adventure. I pictured them filled with tears, sadness to leave the house we’d made our own, the house I had brought my babies home from the hospital to, the house we’d finished and the yard we’d worked on…..With all that we’d gone through over the last couple of years with our business and the economy I worried that it would all come to a point when I had to leave the house. I wasn’t looking forward to the experience of actually leaving…..


But guess what? As I pulled out of that driveway I was ok! I didn’t even tear up or get upset at all. I looked at the house and felt grateful for my experiences there. Grateful for the true sense of home it has produced for our family. I wasn’t heart-broken and as I drove away I was feeling strong and proud of myself for really being able to leave this earthly possession I worried meant too much to me. The feelings I had been reminded of were true “they were just things….”

Then I had one last errand to run before leaving Enoch and literally “hitting the road”. I needed to run something over to a dear friend’s house before officially leaving. I pulled into her driveway still feeling pretty strong and proud of myself for not falling apart at that point. I felt like wow – I could really do this without sobbing the rest of the way to Texas. I even felt like I was going to be able to drop off this item and tell her good bye without causing too much of a scene. I wasn’t quite so lucky with this one….as I said my final good-bye and hugged this sweet, special friend it all started to crash in around me. We were leaving Utah…

But you know what? In that moment I felt stronger than ever that I wasn’t upset about the *things* we were leaving behind, the physical possessions that we were having to say good-bye to and give up. What I was heartbroken about was leaving the friends that had literally changed my life and made it worthwhile and fulfilling. In that instant the value of true friendships and loving people in our lives filled me with love and gratitude. But at the same time a big empty spot ached knowing I was leaving those dear friendships behind.

So I got on the freeway and headed south on I-15. About 30 miles from Enoch a song came on that summed it all up. This song literally jumped out of my stereo and it was as if someone had gotten inside of my head and my thoughts were spilling out. “For Good” from the Wicked soundtrack had all new meaning to me. These people had changed my life for better because I knew them!!! I put it on repeat and I’ll admit cried for quite a while as I drove.

I have listened to this song over and over again since then and thought of all of the people in my life that have changed it for the better. From my dear sweet Grandpa who passed away last month to the friends I’ve left behind in Utah – people have changed my life for better just because they have left that handprint on my heart and I am so indebted and grateful for them.

So on this Valentine’s Day think of people who have changed your life for better, let them know that and thank them while you can. Friendships and loved ones are what make life worthwhile and beautiful. Friendships with people who understand you and love you anyway. Friends who have counted on you, and who you have trusted and depended on as well. I’ve been blessed and changed forever - thank you.


For Good – Wicked Soundtrack

I'm limited:
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you -
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
(spoken) For both of us
(sung) Now it's up to you:

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good


It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:
I have been changed for good

I'm so grateful for our Savior!

Over the last few days I have felt an overwhelming love for my Savior, the gospel and the Atonement.  I am beyond grateful that we have promises that we can return to our Heavenly Father because our Heavenly Father sent His Son Jesus Christ to live and die for us.

A friend of mine posted this comment on Facebook.  I'm not sure if it was something she was quoting, or something she wrote herself - but it touched me and reminded me of how grateful I am that (as usual) our Heavenly Father sent us all exactly what we would need.

God sent us a Savior

If our greatest need had been information, God would of sent us an educator.

If our greatest need had been technology, God would have sent us a scientist.

If our greatest need had been Money, God would of sent us a economist.

If our greatest need had been pleasure, God would have sent us an entertainer.

But our greatest need was forgiveness, So God sent us a Savior.

Grateful and Blessed

We have some special friends - Trent and Melissa Cheney.  Cory and Trent were best friends in high school, I met Cory through Trent (he was a friend of my roommate's), and Melissa and I hit it off right away before they got married.  We have gone through all kinds of things together and they have been a blessing in our lives.

As we struggled with infertility before having Gabe Trent and Melissa were struggling.  We've gone through college experiences, being young married couples, moving, trips together - we have thought of them more as family even than as friends.

So after Naia was born - their sweet little 6 year old - and Trent and Melissa started struggling to get pregnant again our hearts started to break.  They are amazing parents and wanted nothing more than to be able to add to their family.  They made all kinds of attempts, tried to adopt - and prayed a lot.  We all did, we all wanted them to have more kids. 

And so today when I got a text forwarded to me from Cory that said, "She's here! She's 7 lbs 11 ounces.  All are doing well." tears came to my eyes.  I am so happy for Trent and Melissa - and can't wait for Naia to get to be a big sister.  So congratulations and welcome to Kimbree - we can't think of a better family for you to be a part of!

Trials & the Storms of Life

I'm sure that many of us (if not all of us reading this) have had trials and storms in our lives where we've responded with the question, "WHY ME?????"  Now I don't think that necessarily asking this is a bad thing.  I think that if we wallow, and we dwell on it, and we suffer unneccessarily it can be a bad thing - but I think that if we take that question and turn it around a little bit we can learn a lot in each and every trial - even in the middle of the trial and not just looking back. 

Instead of asking "Why me?" ask "What can I learn?".

I've thought about this a lot recently and I've found a few key reasons I experience trials and I thought I'd pass them along and share them with anyone else they might help.  I feel that going through difficulty and trials can be for the following reasons:

Developing Empathy and Compassion - Many of my trials haven't necessarily been directly for me in a typical way.  Many of my trials I'm finding have been so that I can understand other people better.  Once I've gone through something, or done something maybe I shouldn't have done - I understand others so much better.  The idea of "walking around in someone else's shoes" has a lot of merit and truth.  If we think of our Savior and how he truly understands our weaknesses and struggles - it's because through the Atonement he has actually experienced them.  As we go through hard times much of it is so we can develop an understanding and empathy for others.  We all have such vastly different lives and by experiencing a little bit about others we grow closer I believe.

Trials Help Us to Not Judge Others - Going along with the last one of developing empathy and compassion as we do that we begin to judge others less.  As I struggle with something and hope that others will not judge me as I struggle I hope to remember that later on so I don't do likewise and judge others unfairly.  For instance - after we struggled with infertility for years and years I have learned not to judge other people on the spacing and timing of their children.  For all I know they have tried getting pregnant for years.  We had many, many people make comments about how it must be nice to be waiting to have kids until we owned a house, finished school, had a career - all things that were nice, but we longed for a baby much more than we ever longed for a 3 bedroom home of our own....I've tried not to judge others on how they spend their money, how they discipline their children, or how they get along with their spouse.  I hope that we will all work on not judging people all around - but especially in situations where we know nothing about their experiences.

We Need to Learn to Forgive Others - I look back and see several times in my life where I have been hurt or wronged by someone else.  I have been hurt, angry, said I would NEVER do that to someone else and I would never be able to forgive that person.  Well I think we should "never say never" because I have also had experiences where I swore I'd never be - and needed other people's forgiveness.  How can I expect someone else to forgive me for something I haven't been able to forgive another for?    Going through trials gives us extra opprotunties to forgive others.

We Go Through Trials So We May Strengthen Others - I have had a couple of exerpiences and confirmations recently that trials I have gone through weren't just for my benefit - but for others as well.  There are many ways this can happen - when we struggle and others serve us - they are blessed.  When we struggle and are good examples of learning as we pass through those trials - we bless others.  When we struggle and learn we can be there for others so they do not feel alone as they struggle.  When we pave the way by "learning the hard way" sometimes others won't have to struggle the same way we have.  I think of the pioneers and early leaders of the church and how I have learned invaluable lessons because of experiences they had and lessons they learned.  I hope that I am able to handle my trials and lessons in a way that can bless others both now and in the future.

We Have Trials So We Can Draw Closer To Our Heavenly Father - I remember a conversation I had with a dear friend several years ago.  We were just getting to know each other and were sharing our experiences with infertilty before having our families.  We were both sharing things we had learn as we struggled through and how looking back we were so grateful for those experiences.  She said, "At times I actually kind of miss being in the middle of that trial.  Does that sound crazy?  I just felt so close to my Heavenly Father as I leaned on Him for understanding and strength."  So true!  When we are in the depths of heartache and struggles - if we will rely on our Heavenly Father and the infinite strength and peace He gives us - the middle of our trials can really be a peaceful and beautiful place.  I will question myself when I begin a new trial and kind of take stock of where I am at with my relationship with my Heavenly Father - often when I'm not as close to Him I find myself in a trial - so I have opprotunities to strengthen my relationship with Him.  Just like a parent who misses their children - our Heavenly Father wants us to be close to Him.  I love the scripture in Ether 12:27 where we're told that if we go to the Lord with our weaknesses He will make weak things strong for us.  It's SO true!

Trials Often Prepare Us For Future, Harder Trials We May Face - I see some of the trials from my past and think - WOW - that was a stepping stone to these other things we'd be learning later on.  In fact in the midst of some recent trials I had a strong feeling that that particular trial wasn't the actual trial - but was to prepare me for something bigger later on.  (That was a scary thought...). But since we're here on earth to continaully learn and grow it's important that we build upon what we know - right?

Trials Help Us Feel Grateful For Blessings and Re-evaluate What Is Really Important -  I bet you've heard, "You don't know what you've got until it's gone." How often to we express gratitude for our health, or do we wait until we're sick to complain about the lack of health?  As I've been going through a few things recently I have developed a great sense of gratitude for material items that I had always taken for granted.  I've also realized what things are important (family, relationships, the gospel) and what things are just not vitally important.  Trials have a definite way of giving us a different perspective.

Trials Teach Us How Strong We Are - When Cory and I were in the midst of a VERY hard summer job years ago one of our leaders in the company was talking to us. He said, "I know you don't believe me right now, but you are going to look back on this summer and say 'WOW!  Look how strong we were - look at all we accomplished together!'".  At the time I felt overwhelmed and stressed to a breaking point - but know what?  Looking back on those experiences in Detroit it did just that.  Repeatedly when we're faced with something I have the thought "Remember what you accomplished before?  You can do it again - you're tough!".  I think we don't realize our strength and trials give us a chnce to prove our toughness - even if it's to prove to ourselves that we can do hard things. We can often amaze even ourselves with how tough we really are!

Trials Are Given To Us To Bless Us - I believe this more right now than I have ever believed it.  There are economic challenges we are going through right now that I know would break me if I didn't have this perspective.  There are things I've gone through in the past that have shaken me to my core - but I ultimately have learned that trials are the greatest blessing our Heavenly Father can give us.  They cause us to stretch, strengthen and lift ourselves and others in a way we would not otherwise be able to.  They bring us to our knees and help us be reminded of a Father who loves us more than we can even comprehend.  Trials are a gift and I hope that as each of you go through these trials you can find the same kind of perspective as I feel I'm being blessed with. 

I am indeed grateful for the trials my Heavenly Father knows I can handle. I am beyond grateful for a knowledge that I have that after the storms, and even in the midst of the storms we can find beauty and peace.  Through the particular challenges I've been dealing with in the last several months I can honestly say that I am happier and more at peace than I have ever been while struggling.  Often after a trial is over and resloved I've been able to find the beauty of it - after I'm done suffering; but this is the first time I have been in the middle of a trial and felt extreme gratitude for the experiences and lessons I'm learning.  Sure - it's hard and there are days that really stink - but I have felt the love and beauty that my Heavenly Father has given me.  I feel gratitude in greater ways than I remember feeling it in a very long time.  I have a new sense of what my blessings are and feel greater love for life.  I know that we can all find beauty during the storm and I hope anyone reading this can feel that peace. 

Things I Love

I see this frequently on a few friend's blogs and Facebook pages and I'm reminded of things I'm grateful for too.  I need to document those simple, everyday things better.  Those are things I will look back on later in life and be glad I recorded.  So here are a few I'm thinking of today:

Running Jewelry on Etsy:

I have looked at a bunch of different, fun running jewelry since I started running.  I'm not a huge jewlry fan, but I like jewelry that has a connection to it - a momento from a special event.  Anyway - I think this little running charm is adoreable.  I have a friend running a BIG race this year and I've been looking at different fun things I'd love to get her to remember it by....we'll see....(oh to be wealthy and be able to purchase fun little trinkets for everyone I think about each day....that's hard for me in this current financial climate.  I see things - both big and little - that remind me of others, that friends or family members would enjoy - and I wish I could spoil them.  I guess that's a little bit of my love language - giving gifts.  Wish I could do more in that regard...

Cottage Cheese:

Ha - kind of silly - but I *heart* cottage cheese.  With the way I'm trying to eat (6 small balanced meals consisting of a lean protein and healthy carb) I'm always looking for good ways to get protein in.  Cottage cheese has become a staple in my diet.  It's simple, tasty, and very healthy.  I like to add Salad Supreme seasoning or Mrs. Dash seasoning, sometimes mix I it with fat free fruit flavored yogurt, use it as a dip with rice/whole grain baked chips or use it as a dip with carrot slices. Totally versatile :)

Friends and Running:

September 18th I ran my 3rd 1/2 marathon in just over a month.  I think it was a 1/2 marathon every 2 weeks.  I am so grateful that I've discovered that I can run.  Sure - I'm not the fastest runner - but I did it.  The Cedar Canyon 1/2 I ran in September was painful - it was hard.  I was in pain and I didn't know at times if I was going to even be able to run the race, much less do very well.  I'm so grateful that I could push my self and finish - and even end up with a personal record (2:11).  I loved seeing friends there (who are faster runners) and feeling of their excitement, support and seeing that we're working together to do something good for our bodies - which helps us give back to others.

Projects that just come together:

Sometimes I have a scrapbook page I'm really happy with.  Yesterday I was working on this layout and it just clicked - it just came together exactly like I had wanted it to and I was really happy with it.  That doesn't always happen....more often than not I sit and stare at a layout and get frustrated with it.  I love it when things just click and fall together nicely.

LDS General Conference:

I LOVE this weekend in October every year.  I love listening to our church leaders as they teach us the things we need to hear. It amazes me how there always seems to be a theme - even though talks are not assigned.  I love that no matter what I'm going through in my life it's as if every talk was written JUST FOR ME.  I am grateful that I have answers as I listen to the talks.  I just LOVE conference!  I missed most of the Saturday morning session (Gabe's last soccer game for the season) and I am anxious to watch the recording of it later.  It's not the same to me as watching it live - but the messages are still important.  I absolutely loved Elder Richard G. Scott's talk on the Saturday afternoon session.  It was one that just CLICKED for me too.  It talked about repeated ideas that I have been reading about/thinking about in the last month or so.  I love when there are principles or ideas that pop up repeatedly in my life.  It's like Heavenly Father REALLY wants me to learn something - so I'm taught it over and over again - from different messages, different friends, different experiences.  If I hear it 2 or more times I am learning to listen carefully - it's probably important :)

Movie - The Social Network:

I have found that most of the time when a movie is called "Oscar Worthy" that I don't fall in love with it.  When critics love a movie - I generally find it odd.  Cory and I have commented more than once that if a critic doesn't like a movie - we'll probably enjoy it.  But this time I had heard quite a few things saying that this movie was great and that the acting was fantastic and would be up for awards in the upcoming award season and we loved it!  I like movies that promote discussion and make us think.  As we left the theater we talked about things we give up, things we loose - and if it's worth it.  Pride, greed, intelligence, friendship, loyalty, brilliance, and ideas that can change lives.  Interesting stuff. 

__________________________

I hope to work on being grateful for simple things more often.  I hope that I don't take things for granted or get complacent about expressing my gratitude.  I'm so richly blessed and I am grateful for so many things, relationships, lessons, experiences...What are  you grateful for or enjoying about life today?

__________________________

As I was making this list I paused to pay a little more attention to conference.  President Thomas S. Monson, the prophet and president of our church began his talk.  I typed up a few of this thoughts becuase they went along with what I was just thinking about gratitude.  These aren't direct quotes - and there was SO much more he said that were important - but here's a start.  When the talks are posted online I'd reccommend re-reading his sweet words that remind us of being grateful:

He is a wise man who doesn't greive for the things he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.  Gratitude is a divine principle....Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in ALL things. And in nothing doth man offend God or against none is his wrath kindled save those who confess not his hand in all things. We are told to live in Thanksgiving daily for the mercies and blessings God doth bestow upon us.  Regardless of our circumstances each of us has much to be grateful for. If we will but pause and contemplate our blessings.  This is a wonderful time to be on earth.  There is much that is wrong in the world today, but there are manyt higns that are right and good. Our lives are blessed in countless ways.  We can lift ourselves and others as well as we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate in our hearts an attitude of gratitude.  Gratitude is of the nobelest of virtues and the parent of all other virtues.

A few thoughts on trials we go through in life

I just got done typing a letter to our missionary brother Coby. He's in California right now and has been struggling with some health issues. It's so hard to see because he's a great missionary and working hard. I hope that they can find a good solution with his medicine and things to help him be able to stay in the field and teach the people of California! This past weekend we had a family fast for him (as well as some other family members on my side of the family). I love the blessing and gift of fasting - especially fasting with a group purpose in mind.

In fact, when we (finally) were able to get pregnant with Gabe years ago I remember a special family member saying to me, "Great - now I can start eating again on Sundays." This sweet person had been fasting every Sunday for who knows how long that we would be able to bring children into our home. I think of his sweet faith and trust in the blessings of fasting and I am so grateful for his example to me! I know there were many over the years that joined with us in fasting for that and I am sure that part of the blessing of being a family is due to that.

Anyway - yesterday I was thinking a bit about fasting and turned to the hymn book and read a few hymns about it. These ones touched me:

#139 - "In Fasting We Approach Thee"

Verse 1:
In fasting we approach thee here,
And pray thy Spirit from above
Will cleanse our hearts, cast out our fear,
And fill our hunger with thy love.

Verse 4:
This fast, dear Father, sanctify
Our faith and trust in thee increase.
As we commune and testify,
May we be filled with joy and peace


#138 - "Bless Our Fast, We Pray"

Verse #3:
As witnesses, we gather here
To thank, and to attest
Of mercies and of miracles -
Oh, still our lives so bless!
Feed thou our souls, fill though our hearts,
And bless our fast, we pray
That we may feel thy presence here
And feat with thee today


The #1 thing I thought as I read those songs was the line about how the spirit can cleanse our hearts and cast out our fear. Isn't fear an interesting thing? It worries us, it holds us back and it gnaws at us and makes us feel like we're not good enough. I think that fear comes almost always from Satan. He wants to throw us off path and make us feel like we aren't good enough.

That led me to something else I was led to this week (a week filled with tender mercies sent from above). I was reading a book by Brad Wilcox this week about the Atonement (it's a GREAT book - "The Continuous Atonement"). I'm going to copy a little bit of it to share with you. This comes from Chapter 6 in the book:

I never can seem to escape the nagging thought, "If only I were better organized or if only I tried harder." Satan tempated Christ with the word if (see Mathew 4:3-11). He often comes to me with the words if only.

"Don't worry about if you have done enough," advises one well-meaning friend. "Rather, ask if what you have done is acceptable to God." The problem with such advice is that I can't figure out how anything less than my all could ever be acceptable. I am told the compaionship of the Spirit will be my assurance when I've done my part. However, if I start beating myself up for not being a better home teacher or helping more with family history, then I can drive the Spirit away pretty quickly.

In those anxious moments, the greatest comfort I have found is in knowing any effort is pleasing to God even if He and I both know it's not my all or my best. It may be far from an acceptable offering, but God accepts it nonetheless because ultimately He is more concerned with the offerer than the offering. Elder Gerald N. Lund wrote: "Remember that one of Sata's strategies, especially with good people, is to whisper in their ears: 'If you're not perfect, you are failing.'. This is one of his most effective deceptions....We should recognize that God is pleased with every effort we make - no matter how faltering - to better ourselves" ("Are We Expected to Achieve Perfection in This Life?" 207).

Often I am the first to acknowledge that my efforts are mediocre at best. But instead of feeling bad about not offering more, I recognize it's a step in the right direction. I remind myself that the word mediocre is from the Latin word mediocris, which means halfway up the mountain. It doesn't describe how far I can go. It just indicates how far I have come. If I am halfway up the mountain and on my way to the top, it is better than being at the bottom and refusing to try. No matter where I am on the mountain, the motivation to climb higher is found not in trying to impress God and Christ with my sacrifices, but in letting their sacrifices be more deeply impressed upon me. (pages 108-109. "The Continuous Atonement by Brad Wilcox)

So maybe this was something that hit me with force and power and won't make as big of a difference to you.....but I think sometimes we all need a reminder that we are climbing upwards - and even if we don't think that we've done enough - Heavenly Father takes our offerings and is grateful for them. He never tells us we aren't enough. He never tells us we aren't doing good enough - when we hear those thoughts and feelings - it's Satan telling us that. We need to tune dang Santan out and listen to our Heavenly Father that tells us we're trying - and trying is what we are required to do.

I hope that these thoughts are something that will help one of you as they did me when I read them. I am so grateful for tender mercies when we are lead to reading something that touches us. I'm so grateful for those little prayers we mutter and are so miraculously answered. I know that my Heavenly Father answers my prayers. I know that my Savior is standing waiting to carry me through my trials and ready to ease the burdens I feel. I know that without a doubt.

That being said - He doesn't take away our trials......sometimes the blessings he has waiting for us are waiting AFTER the trial. I find this scripture evident of this:

Ether 12: 6

6 And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that ^afaith is things which are ^bhoped for and ^cnot seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no ^dwitness until after the ^etrial of your faith.

We will receive confirmation and reassurance AFTER our faith is tried....that's hard - but I know that if we endure and we continue to trust in our Heavenly Father's plan for us individually (because He has a plan specific for each of us) that we will find that confirmation and witness.

Ok - I'm probably starting to sound a bit preachy - but I shared some of these things with my brother-in-law Coby in his missionary letter today and I wanted to share them with someone else too - in case anyone else needed some of these thoughts I've been led to. I know that our Heavenly Father loves us. He knows our hearts and He knows the best way to bless us with those righteous desires. It's not always the way we think He should bless us, or in the timeframe we thing would be best - but He DOES answer our prayers and pleadings.

I know when Cory and I wanted so desperately to have a family and start having children I was crushed when it didn't happen after several years. I felt that my desire was such a righteous and good desire. I wasn't asking for money, riches, fame - I was begging to be a MOM, for us to be parents! It was something we are commanded to do and I was just asking Heavenly Father to bless us with that chance. But our requests were denied for over 6 years. We were told through priesthood blessings, promptings and feelings that our time would come - but it wasn't yet. Wow that was hard! It was so hard to be told "not yet". But know what? I am SO grateful for those years. I am so grateful for the relationship I developed with my Heavenly Father. We are blessed with trials so we can come closer to our Heavenly Father. We are blessed with heartache so we can turn our pain over to the Savior and learn of the healing power of the atonement.....I hope you'll feel that peace and that reassurance that I KNOW is availble to us because of the gift of the atonement and our Heavenly Father's love.

I am so grateful for the knowledge that we have been blessed with and the faith and trust that we develop. I feel so blessed and grateful.

Man I love those boys!

Man I love my little boys. I'll be honest, there are days when I hide in my closet for a minute of quiet, or pray for naptime to last a little longer.....but then there are days like today when I am overwhelmed with feeling blessed to be called Mom.Today we just had a few sweet moments, a few silly, and a few tender and sweet. I wish there were ways to take you all along for some of those moments. I don't write it all down quite like I used to....and sadly I'm not remembering the moments as well as I used to either....but I really want to try harder. The sweet moments are what life are about - right? Here are a few random thoughts about the boys:

• Hunter has been working really hard at talking lately. We've had a couple of meetings with a local Speech Therapist. She comes and gives us some tips on things we can work on with increasing his vocabulary and helping him speak clearly. He is also going to a Toodler preschool class one day a week for a couple hours. He LOVES it. He loves getting ready for school, loves his friends, teachers and telling us (or trying to tell us) about his fun when we pick him up. It makes him seem just that much more grown up....and when he took his Christmas treat to his teachers last week it was just like taking a glimpse into a few years from now when he'll be taking his 3rd grade teacher a present. Man, life goes by way too fast.

• Today after Gabe got home from school I was talking with him in the couch and Gabe gave me a big hug. Hunter came over, tried hugging me and then looked totally hurt. He said, "No, Hunter Mom's favorite". In his sweet little language and his pouty lip sticking out. So sweet. So I hugged and snuggled both of them extra tight. They're both my favorites - right?

• I was teasing the boys and asked if either of them had a girlfriend. Gabe quickly said "NO!" (which is not the answer he gives his friends - he tells everyone else about his girlfriend Naia) but Hunter called out "YES!" He told us a name over and over again but sadly we didn't understand who it was.....so apparently Hunter has a girlfriend...her name? Not quite sure.

• Gabe had his preschool Christmas program today at school. They sang some really cute songs, made me a sweet ornament with a picture of him for a gift, and made me smile. His teacher made a really cool crayon keeper for them and he was so impressed by it. He LOVES it. He was so cute to hear through the whole day saying sweetly, "Mom, I just love my crayon case." We're so lucky to have a great teacher who clearly cares about the kids in her class, and who Gabe has a great time with. So lucky!

• Today we were driving and listening to Christmas music. Clay Aiken's voice came over the radio singing one of my favorite Christmas carols, "The First Noel". Gabe said thoughtfully, "Mom - did that guy just say 'No elves?'" He's repeated it many times tonight, including singing his version as we sang together tonight.

• The boys were both thrilled to have "Family Game Night" tonight. Apparently the television ads that have been on the last few years about "Family Game Night" have gotten to Gabe because he was beyond excited to play games together tonight. It was fun to all laugh together like that. I look forward to a time when the boys will be ready to play some of our favorites (Rumikub and Uno to name a few). And for the record - I totally smoked all 3 of them at Candyland the first round!

• "Grandma Tammy" (Cory's mom) sent the boys home with a little candle with a list of scriptures to read each night as a family. We're supposed to light the candle and read together. Can I just say that this has worked better than any other efforts we've made at reading the scriptures together as a family? The boys are thrilled to get our candle out and can't wait to help blow it out at the end. I have LOVED the sweet moments we've had together as a family as we've read the scriptures and explained the stories to them. They have seemed to just get it these last several nights. Tonight we read about how the Savior calmed the storming seas (Mark 4:35-41 I think) and had a very sweet talk about it afterwards. I ended up with tears (as I often do when I feel the spirit like that) and Hunter kept telling me to be "happy!". I explained to the kids that I was happy, super happy and that sometimes when I am that happy I cry. A few minutes later we were finishing bedtime preparations and getting ready for bed. I looked at Gabe and his eyes were full of tears. He came over and wrapped his arms around my legs. He said, "Mom, sometimes I cry when I'm really happy too. Like right now." The moments when gospel lessons hit home and it "clicks" are precious.

I love them - a lot!

Feelings of fall

So they say, "A picture's worth a thousand words" - but after looking at these pictures I don't know if that's really true. We went on a drive today to enjoy the fall leaves, and there is only one word to describe it - magical. And yet I look at these pictures and they don't even begin to capture the beauty we experienced. It makes me sad that I couldn't have packed all of you up and taken you with me so you could feel the breathtaking beauty we enjoyed.....

Anyway, yesterday afternoon Cory took the boys with him and our friends Jesse, Hayley and Mikell up into the mountains to see the fall leaves and have an outing. (Some of the pictures are from when he went up yesterday, and some of them are from today. Thanks sweetie for taking some great pictures yesterday!) He came back and told me he just had to take me up because it was so beautiful. So after church we packed up and headed up to enjoy the beauty. We debated back and forth about if we would take our truck, or ride in the ranger. Since it was Sunday we didn't plan to take the ranger at first, but when we decided that we'd be taking the same road/trail whether we had the truck or the ranger - we decided to go with the ranger. We made sure that it was a ranger "drive" instead of a ranger "ride" (a "ride" involves more horsing around, more 4 wheeling and off roading - a "drive" is more like what you would alraedy do in your car - in case you needed a description) - now I feel like I'm justifying our choice of vehicle......

We headed not very far from our house - really close - and as soon as we were in the mountains I could hardly stand the beauty. We kept saying - "Wow!" and "Oh my goodness!" and even the boys would let out a "woah" from time to time. Cory and I both agreed that this was the prettiest drive we had been on in this area. But as I thought about it I really felt like this was the prettiest I had seen fall leaves - ever.

I remembered one other time I felt overwhelmed with the beauty of the fall leaves - a Sunday in September back in 2001. On this particular Sunday I remember feeling overcome with the beauty of the mountains in Provo. It had been a hard week, a really hard week for all of the world really. September 11th had just happened, we were reeling and unsure of so many things. I remember sitting on the lawn of the Provo temple and gazing up to Rock Canyon. I remember feeling like those reds, oranges and firey hues were a message; a message that even through all of the horrible things that were happening - that Heavenly Father loved us. I felt his love, I knew he cared. I didn't understand why those things had happened - still don't completely - but I did know it would be ok, and that the Lord loved us. Looking at those leaves I didn't *think* he loved me - I *KNEW* he did!

Shift back to today - I looked at those leaves and it hit me. I hadn't seen or even felt of the beauty quite like that September in 2001 again - until today. I thought about this past year - this really tough past year - and realized that maybe this extravagant array of colors was meant to hit me that way and be set apart from the fall colors in most years. Maybe the colors of the fall leaves hadn't been that pretty in the years since September 11th, and maybe the beauty this year was extra beautiful. I think I needed that little bit of renewal, or reminder of our Heavenly Father's love.

So this is what I learned in those moments - when we have been through our hardest struggles we are not alone. After we have passed through difficult times there will always be brighter times - always. It might not be immediate, but we will turn the corner and get through it. There will always be golden yellows, fire like reds, and vibrant hues or orange to brighten our world. We might not see the beauty in the middle of the tests and trials - but if we will wait - it will come.

I also had many thoughts about seasons of our lives, and how we are all in different seasons of our lives, we're all at different stages and going through different experiences. I looked at trees that would be right in the same area, and they somehow seemed to be all different. There would be a tree with bright green leaves right next to a golden one, and the one behind it would have oranges and beautiful red shades. Even though those trees all had the same environment, and probably the same experiences - they were all reacting and experiencing it differently. That is how life is too - isn't it? There are people going through the same thing as we are, and are handling it better (or maybe even worse) - but we are all different. I don't know what was in the air - but I seemed to look around and find life lessons all over the place today :)

I felt so much love while we were driving through those beautiful mountains. I felt love from my boys as they snuggled up beside me. I felt love for my husband who took me out to see the leaves even though he had already been out to see them yesterday - because he knew how much they'd make me happy. Most of all though - I felt love from Heavenly Father. He might not have been there to tell me, but when I saw the masterpiece he had painted for us in the mountains it was if I had a whisper in my ear to tell me of His love. I could feel it all around me - surrounding me and my wonderful family.

So if you are blessed to live in an area filled with the beauty of fall be sure you take a few minutes to feel those whisperings. Look for a moment at the masterpiece that is found in the changing of seasons. If you don't live in an area filled with fall leaves, look around yourselves anyway - I know that Heavenly Father finds ways to remind us of his love, and I know He loves all of us.