Monday, February 14, 2011

I have been changed for good....

I dreaded this moment – the moment when I was going to have to lock the door to our house, close the door and get into my car packed up with all of our belongings headed to Texas. I had thought about my feelings and what they would be at that moment several times over the last couple months as we prepared for our new adventure. I pictured them filled with tears, sadness to leave the house we’d made our own, the house I had brought my babies home from the hospital to, the house we’d finished and the yard we’d worked on…..With all that we’d gone through over the last couple of years with our business and the economy I worried that it would all come to a point when I had to leave the house. I wasn’t looking forward to the experience of actually leaving…..

But guess what? As I pulled out of that driveway I was ok! I didn’t even tear up or get upset at all. I looked at the house and felt grateful for my experiences there. Grateful for the true sense of home it has produced for our family. I wasn’t heart-broken and as I drove away I was feeling strong and proud of myself for really being able to leave this earthly possession I worried meant too much to me. The feelings I had been reminded of were true “they were just things….”

Then I had one last errand to run before leaving Enoch and literally “hitting the road”. I needed to run something over to a dear friend’s house before officially leaving. I pulled into her driveway still feeling pretty strong and proud of myself for not falling apart at that point. I felt like wow – I could really do this without sobbing the rest of the way to Texas. I even felt like I was going to be able to drop off this item and tell her good bye without causing too much of a scene. I wasn’t quite so lucky with this one….as I said my final good-bye and hugged this sweet, special friend it all started to crash in around me. We were leaving Utah…

But you know what? In that moment I felt stronger than ever that I wasn’t upset about the *things* we were leaving behind, the physical possessions that we were having to say good-bye to and give up. What I was heartbroken about was leaving the friends that had literally changed my life and made it worthwhile and fulfilling. In that instant the value of true friendships and loving people in our lives filled me with love and gratitude. But at the same time a big empty spot ached knowing I was leaving those dear friendships behind.

So I got on the freeway and headed south on I-15. About 30 miles from Enoch a song came on that summed it all up. This song literally jumped out of my stereo and it was as if someone had gotten inside of my head and my thoughts were spilling out. “For Good” from the Wicked soundtrack had all new meaning to me. These people had changed my life for better because I knew them!!! I put it on repeat and I’ll admit cried for quite a while as I drove.

I have listened to this song over and over again since then and thought of all of the people in my life that have changed it for the better. From my dear sweet Grandpa who passed away last month to the friends I’ve left behind in Utah – people have changed my life for better just because they have left that handprint on my heart and I am so indebted and grateful for them.

So on this Valentine’s Day think of people who have changed your life for better, let them know that and thank them while you can. Friendships and loved ones are what make life worthwhile and beautiful. Friendships with people who understand you and love you anyway. Friends who have counted on you, and who you have trusted and depended on as well. I’ve been blessed and changed forever - thank you.

For Good – Wicked Soundtrack

I'm limited:
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you -
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
(spoken) For both of us
(sung) Now it's up to you:

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:
I have been changed for good


Natalie said...

Love it! And you know what..I had these same thought when you thought you might need to crash for the night at my house a few weeks grateful I am for you in my life and for a friendship that even after all these years..and distance between our lives..that we can still depend on each other at the drop of hat..Don't you think those are the best kind of can be years between visits, but you know that the min you need them, or the min you chat, you can start back right where you left off! That is 'friendship' if ya ask me! :) So this Valentine's day..I am very thankful for you and the person you have helped me become! Happy Valentines Day my friend with lots of love sent your way! :)

Cathryn said...

LOVE that song. Joanna, you are such a sweet ray of sunshine that everywhere you go you will change lives for the better.

Rachel Clare said...

Joanna, what a lovely post. It sums up a lot of how I feel too. I love that song, and am glad it played right when you needed it to! :)

Steve Finnell said...

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Linda said...

a very powerful post........thanks! i am definitely going to look up that song and listen to it. good luck in your future!!!

Brian & Charlotte Carper said...

touched my heart with this one. I've made the physical journey of leaving our only home and friends and family. I appreciate your thoughts and the song. I'm trying to grow through all this trial we are going through and I'm thankful to you for sharing your heart to help me with mine. Love you

The Rhiens said...

Mom just directed me to stuff on your blog I haven't read for awhile and I was touched by this one, which we read while listening to the soundtrack.....You (and your sweet, little family) are going to make it, and make it well and thrive with attitudes like this, and I have "been changed for good" for having you as my dear/sweet little Joanna......I love you, are one of my favorite Texans.....(I have 8, ya know now!......) dot, dot, dot, ya know.......D