Ok - so I have a little routine with Hunter that at times I curse, and at times I treasure. I nurse him to sleep every night (GASP!) It's a horrible habit, and if I had the energy I'd break him from it - I would. Most of the time I get so frustrated with myself that I created this 'monster' (the habit - not the baby) because he won't go to sleep for anyone but me. But then I also treasure every minute I have with him (and I did with Gabe too - the 'monster' started when Gabe was a baby).
Every night we do the bath, stories, and prayers with both of the boys. Then I go into Hunter's room and feed him for one last time. In his room I have a small television and a large, comfy leather recliner - both are for me. That tv is never used for the boys, and is only on when I am feeding Hunter (we first put it in there when Gabe was a newborn and it felt like all I did all day long was nurse him...those first weeks that really is almost all that happens!) Anyway - I'll turn on a tv show, kick up my feet, feed Hunter and then comes my favorite part - Hunter falls asleep. Now this whole process could take a matter of 15-30 minutes (depending on the night) - but most of the time it lasts closer to an hour (or sometimes even longer!) Why? I thought it was because an average television show is about an hour....and this is my time to unwind, decompress, and relax.
But tonight I realized that the whole process has some to do with me relaxing, and enjoying a tv show that doesn't involve the words DISNEY or PBS - but for the most part it's because for close to an hour I get to spend an uninterrupted block of time with my sleeping baby. When else in my life will I get to hold my sleeping baby, snuggle with him, and just enjoy the peace that comes with a sleeping child? I am positive that at 17 I don't get to rock my sleeping teenager, and even at 8 or 9 it's pretty unlikely. So most evenings you'll find me curled up in my chair with sweet baby Hunter. And I guess for now I'm going to treasure the 'monster' I've created.
(Oh, and my second favorite part of the night is when I kiss his sweet sleeping cheek and whisper "I love you" so quietly I'm not sure anyone else could hear it...ahhhhh - heaven!)