Tuesday, January 31, 2006

And I couldn't ask for more

This morning before Gabe woke up I started the day out rough. I made the mistake to get on-line and browsing around some websites that were showing pictures from a tradeshow in Las Vegas. This is a tradeshow (it's called CHA) where the majority of the scrapbook/craft products are debuted for the retail stores. They are HUGE shows, and lots of work. I went to the CHA shows the last 3 years with Kopp Design. In fact, that's how I got my start with Kopp Design was helping at the show in Anaheim in 2003.

Anyway, I was really sad because it's the first winter tradeshow that I haven't been to in several years. The shows were hard work, but they were a lot of fun too. It was fun to be with the other ladies, to have fun going out after the shows, and it was fun to do something different, get out and go somewhere on my own - doing my own thing. It was something that was just for me, and I liked that independence, and that responsibility.

So this morning I was just depressed because I wasn't getting to have fun with all of the thousands of people that are there right now. And to add to that I was feeling bummed about my progression in the scrapbook industry, and how it's come to a complete and total hault since I've had Gabe. I miss being involved in the creating process, doing layouts for assignments, and feeling like I had a talent in something.

So then Gabe wakes up and I go in to get him from his crib. He had the sweetest, most innocent and loving look on his face and I just burst into tears. Here I had been lamenting over a different life I'd had before - a different path I had taken. The path of being a mom. Then I compared what I used to do for "fun", to what I do now - and I am so much more blessed now! I love what I do. I love being able to be at home with Gabe, and devote my day to him. Yeah - I used to enjoy what I got to do with scrapbooking, but when I was enjoying that I was also spending hours and hours crying about not having children.

I guess the moral of the story is - I can't do it all. But if I had to choose between being in Las Vegas at the CHA show this week, or cuddling up in my comfy chair with Gabe reading library books - I think I'd make the choice to be with Gabe a thousand times over!


Carpers said...

I wondered how it would be to not attend the CHA show, but you know you are right - it is so easy to only remember the fun parts about being childless - but then, to look into that sweet, sweet face. What a joy he is. It sounds so trite, but it really is true that these days will go by too quickly and you will have all the time for scrapping that you can bear. We love you so much. Love, Aunt Charlotte

Rob, Melissa and Madelyn said...

Hahaha. All week I've been sitting at home - thrilled that there was a show going on, and that I was hundreds of miles away from it!

Mom said...

Just cherish every moment with this beautiful little guy! He is growing up so fast as it is. It is hard to believe that almost a half of a year has passed already. Love him to death while you can--he'll be running out the door and playing with the dogs before you can turn around. :)

Love, Mom

Tammy said...

Well Joanna, time will go by fast. I haven't had a chance to get on, but the pics of him are really cute. Some things need to be put on hold that we used to do for more important things to do now. I bet Gabe absolutely loves it when his dad comes home. Pretty soon he'll be singing "I'm so glad when daddy comes home"
Love, Tammy

Anonymous said...

Joanna, I feel close to you reading your post. Even though I made the other choice in my life (and the right choice for me). I guess what I would say now is that it's not like you get to make the choice just once. There will be a million chances to make other choices, to spend more or less time with your child(ren), to spend more or less time on self fulfillment and creativity and success and all that stuff. We forget, when we make an either or list, that life is constantly changing and unfolding, and we'll have lots of opportunities to do other things if we want to enough. For now, your child gives me joy every day. I love coming here and seeing his sweet pixs and his wise soul shining through.
Thank yous o much for the work you do to make his growing up vivid to those of us who are far away. Love, Sandra

Anonymous said...

Joanna, I think that this post was touching. The pictures of Gabe are adorable too! We wish we could live closer so we could see him growing up. This blog helps since we are not so close. I hear so many couples talk of how they don't want to have children because it would be too hard, or too much of a sacrifice currently. Any ammount of sacrifice is worth it for that moment when all the world is right and you go in to get your child from the crib and they grin from ear to ear just because you walked in the room. I am so happy for you, and want you to know that I look up to you as a great example. I love you- We don't really take opportunity to say that meaningfully enough. You are a great sister, and a wonderful mother. Hope your day is bright today. Love Jed

april said...

joanna....as hard as you worked to get to where you were in the scrapping industry, you worked 10 times as hard to get that beautiful little boy into your life. it's perfectly fine to mourn the things that you loved and dont have time for now. even though this morning was rough, I dont doubt for one single second what your main priority in life is. and neither does he! ;)

Anonymous said...