Tuesday, January 31, 2006
And I couldn't ask for more
This morning before Gabe woke up I started the day out rough. I made the mistake to get on-line and browsing around some websites that were showing pictures from a tradeshow in Las Vegas. This is a tradeshow (it's called CHA) where the majority of the scrapbook/craft products are debuted for the retail stores. They are HUGE shows, and lots of work. I went to the CHA shows the last 3 years with Kopp Design. In fact, that's how I got my start with Kopp Design was helping at the show in Anaheim in 2003.
Anyway, I was really sad because it's the first winter tradeshow that I haven't been to in several years. The shows were hard work, but they were a lot of fun too. It was fun to be with the other ladies, to have fun going out after the shows, and it was fun to do something different, get out and go somewhere on my own - doing my own thing. It was something that was just for me, and I liked that independence, and that responsibility.
So this morning I was just depressed because I wasn't getting to have fun with all of the thousands of people that are there right now. And to add to that I was feeling bummed about my progression in the scrapbook industry, and how it's come to a complete and total hault since I've had Gabe. I miss being involved in the creating process, doing layouts for assignments, and feeling like I had a talent in something.
So then Gabe wakes up and I go in to get him from his crib. He had the sweetest, most innocent and loving look on his face and I just burst into tears. Here I had been lamenting over a different life I'd had before - a different path I had taken. The path of being a mom. Then I compared what I used to do for "fun", to what I do now - and I am so much more blessed now! I love what I do. I love being able to be at home with Gabe, and devote my day to him. Yeah - I used to enjoy what I got to do with scrapbooking, but when I was enjoying that I was also spending hours and hours crying about not having children.
I guess the moral of the story is - I can't do it all. But if I had to choose between being in Las Vegas at the CHA show this week, or cuddling up in my comfy chair with Gabe reading library books - I think I'd make the choice to be with Gabe a thousand times over!
at 11:20 PM