Monday, December 05, 2005

A year ago tomorrow...

It was a year ago tomorrow that we found out that we were expecting Gabe. Earlier in the week I had hit a low, and had basically given up on the idea of having children of our own. I was depressed, and very sad about the fact that we weren't parents yet, and I remember just feeling so down and crying more than I had ever cried about the situation. To top it all off I was so tired I couldn't stand it - and it just made things worse. I felt pretty crappy.

Turns out my being tired was actually because I was pregnant! I remember running around the house screaming (to the dogs...Cory wasn't even home), "It says I'm pregnant - the test actually says I'm pregnant!" I was completly in shock and I had to say it out loud about 100 times before I could actually believe it.

That night to tell Cory I had a little set up. I had gotten dinner for us, and I had a candle light dinner going. (We were having Pizza Hut pizza - we've eaten that when we've talked about several very important changes in our lives - deciding to get married, talking about moving, deciding to buy the Blind Guy was kind of symbolic of something big coming up.)
Then I gave Cory a cheesy poem with a present. The present was a bib that said, "I love Daddy" and the poem I wrote went along to the poem "Twas the night before Christmas". It said,

Twas the month of December - the last month of the year
The tree was put up and our shopping in gear

We had lights on our house and gifts under the tree
Presents for sadie and Daisy, for you and for me

But there was a gift that was missing, one we had wanted for so long
wasn't a saw, or some skis - no, that guess was wrong

We'd wanted a present that we just could not get
A wish that was sweet, one we couldn't forget

For years we had begged and for years we had pleaded
We'd cried and we'd tried - but we hadn't succeeded

Finally the wish was granted and the gift on its way
this gift wasn't coming tied to the back of the sleigh

For the gift we will get won't be under the tree
But it's something that will bring a smile to you and to me

Ttoday I found out, and I know you'll be glad
In 9 months it looks like - you'll be a DAD!

Now I know it's cheesy, but it still makes me bawl when I read it :). Anyway, these last few days I've looked back on the time that we were so desperately wanting children, and I feel so richely blessed. I never knew motherhood would be as satisfying, and rewarding as it is, or that each day I would be even more in love with my little guy. It is simply amazing to be responsible completely for him, and to have him be such a sweet spirit in our home.

I know now, after these past several years that the Lord truly is mindful of us and our struggles. Last year I really had hit the end of my rope, and I don't know if I could have handled waiting much longer - and the Lord knew that. He truly will not give us more than we can handle, and I strongly believe that.

And now I feel so blessed looking at little Gabe's sweet smile, that I feel like I couldn't ask for much more in life!


Mom said...

You had me in tears with this one...and then I read it aloud to Dad and cried some more. :) What a great shot of Gabe! I printed this one up. We, too, are so grateful for the news we received last Christmastime that he was on his way. What a joy he is to all!

Love, Mom

april said...

you dont know how badly I needed to read this today, Joanna. I'm so grateful for the gift that Gabe has been to you and Cory. He's also been a gift of hope to me! Thank you for sharing all your sorrows during that time and now finally your much deserved joy!! Cant wait to be comparing notes someday!! Give Gabe a kiss from me.

Anonymous said...

He is absolutley adorable! He is going to be such a heart breaker! I am so happy for you Joanna!

Love, Maggie
P.S. I get married in 13 days!