Cory was working in a different state from me and I had just moved into a new (dumpy) apartment in Spanish Fork. I was feeling sorry for myself because Cory wasn't around, and anxious about a new job I had just started. It would be my first day closing the store at Memory Lane as a manager by myself and I had only worked a time or two. I was laying in bed 1/2 asleep, and 1/2 awake when my alarm clock went off.
I seriously thought the sounds on the radio were a part of the dream I'd been having - the news reports were too scary to be real. As I began to sort out the reality of it I was just sick and started to panic that my "family" - especially Cory - wasn't there with me and was in a big city in California. I kind of got worked up because we didn't know how much more there would be, where else it would hit next. I wasn't worried directly about myslef - I was in little old Utah. But Cory was in Northern California and I didn't know if there would be more hits on the west coast - didn't know what to expect would happen in the coming hours, days....
I paced around my apartment without a cell phone (it was supposed to be delievered that afternoon and ended up being delayed so many weeks that I had to cancel it - because of all of the thing being held at airports and such.) and I felt so scared and isolated - terrified for everyone I loved. Never wanting more than at that moment to live back at home with my family, all gathered around together. I wanted my mom, I wanted my husband - and I remember feeling so sad that my sweet dog Daisy wasn't there with me to comfort me (she was living at Cory's parent's house at the time - we weren't supposed to have a dog at our apartment). I ached to hug her and have her lick the tears off my face, the tears that wouldn't stop falling no matter how hard I tried.
I started to panic about my brothers, or Cory - the men in my life that I worried might be called up to war. I didn't know how much bigger it would get, or if a mandatory draft would be put into effect. My mind started racing to all of the scariest of places. Cory made a comment about maybe joining the Guard in passing that first day, and I almost had a panic attack. I am grateful that he felt a pledge of patriotism to our country, but selfishly I must say I was glad it was just a comment in passing.....(not to take away anything from those who have served and are serving our country, my gratitude for that is so immense I can't even express it!)
I remember my mom telling me to calm down and things would be ok - but even as she tried to soothe my worries over the phone I could hear in her voice that she didn't know what "ok" would mean now. Things had changed and maybe the version of "ok" had changed for all of us. It certainly had been altered for those in the towers, on those planes, in those buildings.....
Working that night was surreal. I worked at a scrapbook supply store - it was a dream job for me at the time and seemed perfect. But the store was empty - like a ghost-town. People were still in the phase where they were glued to their televisions, waiting to be told that it wasn't real, or looking for answers that would make it feel like a dream instead of this new reality for America. The pull to keep watching the same footage was sickening in a way, it hurt our hearts, and rested like a pit in our stomaches. People weren't ready to do things like scrapbook, or spend money on frivilous things - it was like all of our typical activities had been put on hold in those instants. It was eerie. I remember listening to the radio, hearing the songs that had already been put together with news footage played over old patriotic favorites like, "Proud to be an American".
As I drove home from Orem to Spanish Fork I cried and cried and cried. Just the night before I had been complaining and feeling sorry for myself. I was frustrated that my husband was still working and that we weren't together (although that was basically my choice at the time...). I was hating the apartment we had rented sight-un-seen, and frustrated with several things in life and not knowing where to focus and what goals to have. But in that instant, thousands of miles from me things were put into a different perspective, into a different focus. Now the apartment situation wasn't so dire. The miles separating me and my husband seemed to have multiplied by millions, but even though I ached to have him away from me - I found so much peace in the fact that I knew exactly where he was. I knew he was safe, I knew that he would be returning to me and that I could hear his voice on the phone if I needed. How selfish I had been....how blessed I was to know where he was, and know he was healthy. Others didn't have that same peace and comfort.
I drove down the desereted freeway to our home and decided to stop for gas before going home - I remember wondering if gas prices would go up, if our oil supply would be cut off...I felt like getting prepared, buying enough gas at least to fill my car. It was a small thing, a tiny thing - but I felt compelled to stop at the gas station to fill up.
Looking back on all of it feels surreal. It's weird that I remember things like getting gas, but I really do remember wondering how it would all affect our lives from there out. There are still times now that I wonder that....what other changes are going to come in our lives that will stem from those events. Our life has changed, which is good. If we had gone on living the same way all of those who have died since would be in vain.
Days after 9/11 were amazing to me. Remember how we pulled together? Remember how people were kinder, people pulled together. We had a bond now, we had a changed life. We were all family. I loved seeing all of the flags lining streets, patriotic talks, a sense of community and loyalty to AMERICA. I felt a part of something. We united. No matter what side we'd been on before - we were all united during those coming weeks. Wow....we've changed since then - haven't we?
So remember those who have given their lives fighting freedome, remember the families who were broken and continue to break while they are separated by war. Remember the feelings of gratitude and allegiance to being American. Remember how we pulled together. I pray that we can do that again at some point, and that it doesn't take tragedy like the falling of the towers to do that for our country....
I seriously thought the sounds on the radio were a part of the dream I'd been having - the news reports were too scary to be real. As I began to sort out the reality of it I was just sick and started to panic that my "family" - especially Cory - wasn't there with me and was in a big city in California. I kind of got worked up because we didn't know how much more there would be, where else it would hit next. I wasn't worried directly about myslef - I was in little old Utah. But Cory was in Northern California and I didn't know if there would be more hits on the west coast - didn't know what to expect would happen in the coming hours, days....
I paced around my apartment without a cell phone (it was supposed to be delievered that afternoon and ended up being delayed so many weeks that I had to cancel it - because of all of the thing being held at airports and such.) and I felt so scared and isolated - terrified for everyone I loved. Never wanting more than at that moment to live back at home with my family, all gathered around together. I wanted my mom, I wanted my husband - and I remember feeling so sad that my sweet dog Daisy wasn't there with me to comfort me (she was living at Cory's parent's house at the time - we weren't supposed to have a dog at our apartment). I ached to hug her and have her lick the tears off my face, the tears that wouldn't stop falling no matter how hard I tried.
I started to panic about my brothers, or Cory - the men in my life that I worried might be called up to war. I didn't know how much bigger it would get, or if a mandatory draft would be put into effect. My mind started racing to all of the scariest of places. Cory made a comment about maybe joining the Guard in passing that first day, and I almost had a panic attack. I am grateful that he felt a pledge of patriotism to our country, but selfishly I must say I was glad it was just a comment in passing.....(not to take away anything from those who have served and are serving our country, my gratitude for that is so immense I can't even express it!)
I remember my mom telling me to calm down and things would be ok - but even as she tried to soothe my worries over the phone I could hear in her voice that she didn't know what "ok" would mean now. Things had changed and maybe the version of "ok" had changed for all of us. It certainly had been altered for those in the towers, on those planes, in those buildings.....
Working that night was surreal. I worked at a scrapbook supply store - it was a dream job for me at the time and seemed perfect. But the store was empty - like a ghost-town. People were still in the phase where they were glued to their televisions, waiting to be told that it wasn't real, or looking for answers that would make it feel like a dream instead of this new reality for America. The pull to keep watching the same footage was sickening in a way, it hurt our hearts, and rested like a pit in our stomaches. People weren't ready to do things like scrapbook, or spend money on frivilous things - it was like all of our typical activities had been put on hold in those instants. It was eerie. I remember listening to the radio, hearing the songs that had already been put together with news footage played over old patriotic favorites like, "Proud to be an American".
As I drove home from Orem to Spanish Fork I cried and cried and cried. Just the night before I had been complaining and feeling sorry for myself. I was frustrated that my husband was still working and that we weren't together (although that was basically my choice at the time...). I was hating the apartment we had rented sight-un-seen, and frustrated with several things in life and not knowing where to focus and what goals to have. But in that instant, thousands of miles from me things were put into a different perspective, into a different focus. Now the apartment situation wasn't so dire. The miles separating me and my husband seemed to have multiplied by millions, but even though I ached to have him away from me - I found so much peace in the fact that I knew exactly where he was. I knew he was safe, I knew that he would be returning to me and that I could hear his voice on the phone if I needed. How selfish I had been....how blessed I was to know where he was, and know he was healthy. Others didn't have that same peace and comfort.
I drove down the desereted freeway to our home and decided to stop for gas before going home - I remember wondering if gas prices would go up, if our oil supply would be cut off...I felt like getting prepared, buying enough gas at least to fill my car. It was a small thing, a tiny thing - but I felt compelled to stop at the gas station to fill up.
Looking back on all of it feels surreal. It's weird that I remember things like getting gas, but I really do remember wondering how it would all affect our lives from there out. There are still times now that I wonder that....what other changes are going to come in our lives that will stem from those events. Our life has changed, which is good. If we had gone on living the same way all of those who have died since would be in vain.
Days after 9/11 were amazing to me. Remember how we pulled together? Remember how people were kinder, people pulled together. We had a bond now, we had a changed life. We were all family. I loved seeing all of the flags lining streets, patriotic talks, a sense of community and loyalty to AMERICA. I felt a part of something. We united. No matter what side we'd been on before - we were all united during those coming weeks. Wow....we've changed since then - haven't we?
So remember those who have given their lives fighting freedome, remember the families who were broken and continue to break while they are separated by war. Remember the feelings of gratitude and allegiance to being American. Remember how we pulled together. I pray that we can do that again at some point, and that it doesn't take tragedy like the falling of the towers to do that for our country....
1 comment:
What a great blog. it about tells it all the way it was.AndI agree That will yet see many more changes due to that fateful day. Love grandma Marilyn
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