If I'd only known....

You know, it's probably a good idea that while Cory and I were trying to start our family - that no one ever spilled the beans, and told me just how much I'd love to be a mom. I think if I had even the slightest glimpse of how awesome this would be that I would have been even more depressed about it taking so long.

I knew I would love to be a mom. I knew that someday I would be excited to hold my little one, and that I would have fun teaching my kids neat things about this world. However, I didn't know that my heart would be so full of gratitude and love each time I would gaze at Gabriel. I didn't know that my heart would melt each time he'd smile at me, or that I would cherish morning when all he wants to do is snuggle in my arms. And I had no idea that I would even enjoy days when he was fussy, or nights when he gets up several times in the night.

I remember crying to Cory when I was pregnant and being so worried about what kind of a mom I was going to be. I was worried that when the baby was born I wouldn't want to have anything to do with him, and I wondered if I would really be capable of taking care of someone who relied on me completely for everything. That freaked me out, and I worried that I couldn't do it - or worse even - that I wouldn't want to do it....I remember Cory would looked totally un-phased and that would make me so mad. I'd ask why he wasn't freaking out. He'd say, "I'm just not worried about it - you're going to be a great mom." That drove me nuts - how did he know?

Sure - there are still days when it scares me. But overall I LOVE being a mom. I love it! And without boasting....I kind of think I'm good at it. I have so much more patience than I had before, and somehow I have the energy to do it even when I'm exhausted. My worries and concerns now aren't about whether or not I can love him enough - but I worry more about loving him too much. Seriously - I've already decided that he can't move out when he goes to college, I'll just miss him too darn much :)

So the point I'm getting at is that when people say that you can't really know love until you have children of your own are right. There is something magical when your child is born - your capacity to love expands in ways you could not imagine possible - you are now a mom!