HOME

The most common feeling I’ve had in regards to my kids going back to school have been of relief, excitement, and hopefully a time for me to finally get my act together.  This summer has been frazzled and so loud. I haven’t had any time to sit, think, and ponder – much less been able to go to the grocery store without fighting kids.  I’ve felt like a referee instead of a mom most of the summer.  And forget feeling like a wife, or even just good old Joanna.  So I’ve been looking forward to August 27^th @ 7:45 am for a significant amount of time.

My kids have been (mostly) excited about it, and Hunter has acted only a little bit nervous.  He’s asked a few times if I’ll come with him to lunch today, and stay for recess (to which I’ve told him no, because I want his first day to be something HE does, instead of relying on me), but other than that he’s mostly been excited.

So I honestly didn’t anticipate a lot of tears from me.  I was focusing on the excitement of being able to spend a few hours by myself today, and thought the excitement would override my anxiety for the boys.  What I didn’t anticipate was what came next.

As I walked up the walkway of the school this morning and heard the tune of this song playing over the loudspeaker:

HOME – Phillip Phillips

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Sweet – right?  The idea that these teachers and administrators have the goal to make our elementary school our children’s home, a place of comfort, love, a home!  They were reassuring both the parents and the kids I think. You’re not alone CC Mason is your HOME!

Something that was meant to be reassuring suddenly took on a very sad, very real meaning to me.  I’m incredibly grateful for the teachers and leaders at our elementary school, but as I walked my “baby” into Kindergarten today we started something new, we opened a new chapter where this new “home” was going to be such a LARGE influence on his life.  He now has teachers, peers, others who are going to help shape who he is.  No longer will he ever rely solely on Mom and Dad as his examples – he has a whole new world that will be teaching him along the way. He has new voices that will influence him and shape him.

Now I know that doesn’t mean that my job as a mom is over.  And I know that my role as a parent is just as important now (if not more so!), but this shift is significant and as I made that connection walking up the school walkway my eyes started filling with tears. Bittersweet tears.

I am so grateful if I do need to send my babies off into the big world that I have a place like we do for them to go.  I have felt so much love from the teachers at our school, and they genuinely want the kids to have the best experience possible.  They love our kids, and it’s not just a job for them - I know that. I am also grateful to know that with the gospel on our side, and the knowledge of so many gospel principles that we are teaching them in OUR home, that they will be fortified and strengthened for anything their school “home” might throw their way.

I bet in so many ways our Heavenly Father feels the same way as he sent us down to our earthly home.  How he must ache for the time when we return to our Heavenly Home someday. He surely has similar conflicting feelings as He wants us to have a body, to learn from our earthly experiences – but longs for us to make the right decisions and remember our heavenly influences.