Inspirational Friends

(This was a journal entry I wrote in October.  After I finished this layout today I wanted to share it with my experience.)

As I started to run in my fist ½ marathon (August 7th, 2010 – Provo Canyon) I knew that one of the only ways I was going to be able to run this race was with the divine help of my Heavenly Father. I also knew that He wanted me to run this race. I felt that the race had been placed in my life for me to succeed at, to give me strength for the trials coming up in my life, and to be a starting point for more physical challenges I might want to undertake in the near future. I had felt from the moment I made the decision to run in the race that it had been an answer to prayers – both my own and prayers of those who love me.

 

But in the moment that the race was about to begin and I started one of the many prayers in my heart for the day I had a thought enter my mind that changed the race for me….and quite possibly changed my outlook and life from that point forward. I had the thought that it was important to pray before a race (I’d had other experiences regarding prayer and running that had proven this to me) – but that if I focused on “Please bless ME to run better. Please take away the pain in MY feet – etc” that I would be focusing entirely too much on myself. In doing that I worried that I might find myself focusing on my difficulties, my pains, and that it might make those things seem worse in some ways. Sure as you run it is important to think about yourself somewhat – I mean who else is going to tell your legs to move, or your lungs to breathe…but I needed to take myself out of the equation for a moment.

 

So as I started the race I decided that from that point on when I needed some help in my running, or needed a distracting thought to keep me from focusing on the difficult task or pain in my body – I would say a prayer for someone else. Instantly I knew what I needed to do. A friend of mine Cathryn Jensen from the Transformation.com group I’m a part of was embarking on a VERY difficult race that day also. She would be doing the Pine Valley 15 mile run. This run made my ½ marathon look like a picnic as the trails were off road, steep, difficult and it was even longer in distance. I knew that Cathryn was nervous about the race and that it was something she was incredibly scared about.

 

So as I began my prayers I prayed that Heavenly Father would bless her with wings on her feet. I asked that she would have a calm mind, that her pains would be eliminated and that she would find the strength I knew she had within herself. If a blister started to hurt I’d pray and ask that Cathryn’s shoes would fit comfortably, that her legs would move strongly and that she would enjoy the time she was having in the beautiful mountains.

 

As I did this I was feeling closer to my Heavenly Father, and I was able to not focus on the hard time I was having. It was so powerful to me. But truthfully after the race I didn’t think too much about it….not until I read Cathryn’s account of the race that she ran. As I read what she had journaled about after her experience it came full circle – it made sense and strengthened my testimony of prayer in a way I haven’t quite experienced before. Here are just a few of the words she wrote about things she learned from her run:

•  Heavenly Father truly does care about our goals and personal accomplishment:
• I have back issues. I injured my back in the MTC (missionary training center) many years ago. My bottom two vertebrae are squished together and push on my sciatic nerve. For many years this has caused me a lot of pain. I have never been able to run more than a couple of miles without stopping to stretch my back out and decompress. I usually complete a run limping because it is just too much pounding pressure for my back to handle. Today, I didn’t have to stop once out of pain. My back didn’t even “twinge” or falter in the least. I have never felt more strength in my back as I did today.
• The last month or so, my right knee has hurt once I hit 5 miles or so of running; not today. Not an ounce of pain.
• I live at sea level in California. Today’s run was at 6500 feet. Not once did I feel like I was gasping for air or struggling to get enough oxygen today. I have felt it every run I have done here in Utah, but not today.
• Today’s weather could not have been more perfect. It was cool (60ish degrees), very overcast, breezy and even sprinkled on us a few times. When I thought to myself, “wow, we are so lucky to have such nice weather this morning” I had a very calm, warm and peaceful feeling penetrate my heart and my soul heard the words, “I did it for you.” (Ok, now I am crying AGAIN just thinking about this. I know what I heard; I heard a loving Father ‘s whisper.)

As I read her account and feelings and the tears flowed freely - I had the strongest rush of gratitude for her experience. SO grateful that she took the time to write about how she’d felt. I felt so strong in my heart, “Those blessings were answers to prayers.” I didn’t have the feeling of “look what you did” – because I didn’t have anything to do with it. I had the feeling of “You looked outside of yourself as you ran – which blessed you. But at the same time it blessed others. We are all so connected and prayers are one of the most important ways of connecting us.” My testimony of prayer exploded that day and I felt such a confirmation of love from our Heavenly Father who wanted Cathryn and I to both have beautiful experiences.

 

So I’ve thought about this experience as I’ve ran other races. I’ve tried to focus on others, tried to think of other people who my need prayers answered (don’t we all???). Because of that my running time has become a sacred time for me. The time when my feet hit the pavement and I feel the fresh air are not only therapeutic for my body – but they are energizing and refreshing for my spirit and my soul. I feel so close to my Heavenly Father and the blessings He is waiting to pour out on me. I find my running time to be truly one of the most spiritual places I can be. I have had inspiration whispered in my ears, feelings brought to my heart and answers literally told to me in my mind. Running is a sanctuary for me and for that I will be eternally grateful.

 

I had the blessing of getting to meet Cathryn in person this past week at the Denver Transformation Conference. As I was leaving the convention on Saturday I had the feeling like I should tell Cathryn about my experience back in August. We would both be running in the ½ marathon the following morning and I felt a strong feeling like I should tell her how her running in Pine Valley had changed my testimony and blessed me for life. I felt a little apprehensive about telling her because I didn’t want to say, “Look at me – I prayed for you.” That just sounded so pompous and proud….so I tried to find the right words and tell her of the experience.

 

As I finished telling her how it had blessed me, and how grateful I was that she shared the blessings she’d felt as she ran she was just so sweet about it. She wiped the tears away and I remember her saying, “You’re making me cry – and I don’t cry!” I loved looking at her face and the sweet, beautiful connection we were able to make. I’m so grateful that my experiences with the Transformation.com community have blessed my life in many, many ways. I am so blessed to have been touched and inspired by many people like Cathryn. So grateful for that!

 

 

Journaling from the layout:

 

One of the highlights of attending the Denver Transformation conference was meeting Cathryn Jensen. Cathryn has been a big inspiration to me through my Transformation journey. She is such a strong and amazing woman and mom. I have learned a lot about hard work and not giving up from her. I got to share with her the experience I had when I ran my first half marathon and how she’d touched me. (She was also running a big race at the same time and I concentrated on praying for her when my own race would become difficult for me. Focusing on someone else while turning my heart to prayer helped me to not focus on my own difficult journey while my heart was drawn out in prayer. I loved giving her a hug and telling her how great I think she is! (October 16, 2010)

 

Thank you Tranformation.com!

December 25^th, 2009….reading that date for most people would send memories of this past Christmas and the bliss associated with the holiday.  Maybe thoughts of yummy foods, family surrounding you, traditions passed through the generations.  Perhaps thoughts of a loving Savior who lived and died for each of us or reminders of quiet acts of service rendered through the Christmas season.  But for me – December 25^th, 2009 will be a date I both pray to forget, and yet in the same breath pray the lessons will stay with me forever.  This was the day I hope will be known as "rock bottom" in my spiral of depression.

Sadly this horrible experience was on Christmas Day.  I think part of the experience was because it was on Christmas Day.  I mean it was Christmas Day and even on this one day that we had all anticipated so much for so long I couldn't pull myself together enough to look forward and put on a happy face. I think because the day was supposed to be filled with love, happiness, hope and joy – and I literally felt like I was at the bottom and end of my rope just magnified my depressive thoughts and feelings.  I think my hopeless feelings were just that much worse because I felt like I wasn't only letting myself down – but I was literally ruining the holiday for my family and children.  My depression and self-destructive attitude was ruining Christmas – could it get much worse than that?

So as I found myself crumpled in a ball on my closet floor – unable to breathe, unable to stop crying or stop shaking.   I felt true darkness and painful despair.  I felt the walls of my closet closing in and I felt as close to just giving up as I hope I ever feel.  I had prayed, I had begged for the feelings to go away – but at the same time I almost didn't feel like I deserved the pain to go away.  After all I was ruining Christmas for my husband and children – didn't I deserve to feel rotten?  I longed to just end it all – to put all of us out of my misery.

I didn't feel like myself – I felt like there was something else inside of me sucking out any possibility of happiness.  I felt like I was a shell of the person I wanted to be and I felt so, so lost.  It was depression that was literally darkening every part of my life.  I remember up to that time – through the holidays I just wasn't happy.  I remember not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to deal with Christmas gifts, neighbor goodies or putting things together for my kids.  The idea of coming up with a perfect gift for me to give to my husband seemed like too much to work towards – and I literally gave up.  I was only going through the motions but I wasn't feeling any of the holiday spirit.

I remember lying in bed one day and watching a commercial on tv.  It was a commercial for an antidepressant and the announcer said, "Who does depression hurt?" and then went on to say "Depression hurts but you don't have to." – cue the music, logo for their drug and pictures of people emerging from the pain of depression.  That advertisement was SO applicable to me and I still hear the words echo in my mind, "Depression hurts" – it did and I was suffering from the pain it brought.

So after somehow pulling it together for the rest of the day - the next day out of the blue I said to my husband, "I wonder if I tried training if I could do a ½ marathon this summer?"  That lead me to asking the question out loud on Facebook (and getting an enormous response from SO many people supporting me in it).  It was one of those things where I remember feeling like, "what on earth was I thinking????" just moments after hitting "post" and remembering that "I'm not a runner – I'm not even going to attempt something like that".  My depression kicked back in and I felt not-so-great about it.

Well very shortly after all of that I got an email from a dear, sweet friend of mine – Leslie Groft.  She invited me to possibly workout with her for 5 weeks – for free.  She had just gotten her personal training license and had great results with a program she had done online and she wanted some guinea pigs to workout with for 5 weeks as a trial.  On a whim I asked for one of the spots she had, it worked out, and we planned to start working out as of the first of the year. 

I remember thinking, "Ok – I can handle the idea of adding exercise to my life right now.  But truthfully that is ALL I can do.  I'm not ready to change my eating, not ready to join that *website* Leslie's been a part of.  But I can exercise for an hour a day.  That is ALL I can do though."  The thought of anything else was just too much to wrap my depressed and tired brain around.

So I met with Leslie for the first time as a group – all of us who were going to be "guinea pigs".  She explained the program a bit and started talking a little about food – diet, and the Transformation program.  I still had in the back of my mind "You can ONLY handle changing your exercise.  Get a little exercise in and that will be a good start – that is all you can handle right now!"

But a few moments after that, a little into the presentation she was giving I had something I almost didn't recognize – a glimmer of hope.  Just a glimmer, a slight reminder of someone I used to be.  I had a short tiny reminder of the girl who worked so hard with Weight Watchers a few years back.  I remembered for a moment how much it meant to me when people I loved were also working on getting healthier because of the experiences I had been having and my example. Then I remembered how much I LOVED sharing that part of myself with others.  And then with that glimmer of hope I was reminded of a picture that was me – a VERY happy version of myself.  It was the closest to being comfortable in my skin and body that I had ever been.   But even as I had those feelings I was still saying, "I can only commit to exercising right now – that's all I can handle without freaking out."

Well not long after that (like 24 hours!) I had decided that I was going to revamp my diet – or at least try to.  I still wasn't committing to much more and I certainly wasn't going to do the whole Transformation program.  I wasn't signing up as a Challenger, I wasn't doing assignments or getting online for the community – nope. And I certainly wasn't going to travel to Dallas Texas for a Transformation convention! It took a while and I actually ate all of my words.  I did some assignments, met great friends from the community and even drove to Dallas for the convention!  But I still didn't know where I was going with it…

Fast forward to today – I am officially "done" with the 18 weeks I ended up committing to in the end.  I have eaten clean, changed my way of looking at exercise and begun to believe in myself in areas I NEVER have.  I have ran in races, completed scary workouts (box jumps?!?!) and have lost weight, gained muscle, developed better habits, and fit into new clothes. 

Truthfully I haven't stayed up on the assignments.  I think I have justified that I ended up coming so much further with the program than I had originally planned – that not doing the assignments this round is ok.  In some ways I don't think that was necessarily the best choice – but it's in the past.  But as I got closer to the end I felt like I could have my own challenge again when my 18 weeks was up and I could start fresh with the assignments.  I'm not going to pick up where I left off – I'm starting over at week #1.  I have a plan in place to do at least one assignment each week.  I will have my assignment completed before going to bed on the last day of the week (My weeks will go from Monday morning to Sunday night).  I WILL do them all – I'm committing to that.

For a girl who doesn't set goals – or hasn't in the past this is powerful to me.  Stating it for all of my friends and family to see is powerful and will hold me to my intentions.  I have found strength in that process as I have gone through this journey so far.

Lastly – I just want to say that I know that this works.  I know that my body and mind have changed and will continue to change.  I know that this program has been placed in my life so I can become the girl that my Heavenly Father wants me to be.  I can become the person who I was sent on earth to become and I can be able to better serve my brothers and sisters around me.  I feel that through this process my spirit literally fits better in my body.  I feel more comfortable in my own skin and with my own thoughts. It's not about perfection – as I know I have light-years to keep traveling for that – but this journey is about PROGRESS and now I am seeing that around me every day.  I can now look at myself in the mirror and know that "Depression hurts – but I don't have to anymore!" 

Thank you to those who have supported me, who carry me and who love me no matter who I am. I am grateful for people who gave me time to become ready but loved me anyway.  I am grateful for a husband who is my biggest cheerleader and fan – but most of all I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who has helped me remember why He sent me here, and reminded me that I am worth it.  I am truly, truly grateful.

(I have been thinking about posting my progress pictures - showing how things have changed and progressed for me. They are pictures of me in a 2 piece swimming suit (or sports bra) - so it makes me really nervous.  If I end up posting the picture I am only doing it to show that even someone like ME can have great results - in just 18 weeks! I'm not posting them for any other reason than to hopefully have someone else say "Hey - I can do it too!")

Hurricane 5K

This weekend was the Hurricane 5K and 1/2 marathon. My friend Alecia was running in the 1/2 marathon so we made plans to go down and support her. My friend Mindy and I were going to run the 5K version of the race and my friend Leslie Groft was going to run the 1/2 marathon with Alecia to help her through it. Mindy ended up not being able to come at the last minute but the other 3 of us went.



It was great weather and a fun trip. We went down the night before and had dinner @ the Texas Roadhouse (yum!) Then we stayed in Hurricane so we could get up early for the race (the buses loaded @ 5:30 am! I ran my race slower than I had hoped (35:40) but I need to remember progress and not perfection. I'm working on it...Then I waited for Alecia and Leslie to run in. It was fun to see some other friends running, see Mindy and her family come to support Alecia @ the end of the race, and feel the energy of the runners and supporters.



Up to the time the race was going to happen I've been thinking about running and where I've come since I started this journey in January. I was actually sad that I wasn't running the 1/2 with the girls. I think it was mostly because of the friendship and experience that I was missing out on. It was a bummer to wait on my own....which is funny because that isn't how I have always felt....Anyway - I got thinking about running. Sure, I was disappointed in my time of the race - but I ran another 5K! If you had told me 6 months ago that I was going to be running on a regular basis - further than a mile - I would have thought you were nuts. But now I'm enjoying it - sometimes even loving it. I have competed in 3 5K races and a 10K! WOW! :)



After the race I got really thinking about "what next?". Do I do a 1/2 marathon, or try for something else? I have decided that I'm going to try to do the Sprint Triathlon in the Utah Summer Games this summer. Last week I got thinking about it actually - and was going to work on getting ready to do it NEXT summer. But after this weekend I got thinking more about it and I think I want to try for it in June.



This is a big deal - a scary deal for me. But at the same time making that decision is empowering and SO exciting. Trying something different, stretching myself, pushing myself, and working towards something that I know will excite Cory and make him proud of me (he's been wanting me to do triathlons with him for almost 10 years now). It feels so great to believe in myself about something like this. In fact, I should asleep right now - but I've been thinking about it and I have excited butterflies.



Anyway - here are some of our pictures from this weekend. I am SO proud of my friend Alecia. I'm blessed to have been going on this "Transformation" journey with friends like her. I'm so proud fo her example and for the drive I watched her have for this race. My heart just swelled with pride when she crossed the finish line. It was also amazing to watch Leslie running with her. Leslie was in major physical pain but did the race for Alecia. I was so touched by her friendship and willingness to sacrafice for a friend. I watched her love for her friends and it touched me! I'm so blessed to have great friends - love them.

Dallas Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon Relay

Cory and I had the chance to go to Dallas Texas for a www.transformation.com conference this weekend (I'll be sure to post more about this - it was AWESOME!!!). The culmination of the event was a 1/2 marathon. I wasn't ready to run a 1/2 but we did it as a relay. Cory was supposed to run the 1st 7 miles and then I'd finish up the last 10K. Well he was "in the zone" and decided to just keep running the whole thing. So he ran 13.1 miles!!!! (the furthest he'd run before at one time was 4 miles on the treadmill!) I was really happy with our running time and we had a great time running together. He wished my legs (or at least my stride) was a little longer - but we made it.

It was great because my brother Jed and his wife Laura live in Forney, TX - not too far from Dallas. So they came and supported us, took pictures (YAY!) and made us feel like rock-stars. We love you guys!!!

I promise - there will be more soon about the race, things I learned, and the awesome stuff from the conference.

Check this out!

I'm not sure if this is going to show up correctly....but I'll give it a try anyway. If it doesn't make sense the way you see it - check out this website: www.transformation.com.

This challenge is amazing. The woman in the pictures - Leslie Groft - is one of my dear friends and is actually the woman I'm blessed to have as my personal trainer. She is helping me to change my life in many ways. I love this gal and I love that she's helping me find my happy self again.

This health challenge is FREE, life changing, uplifting and amazing. Oh yeah - did I mention FREE. Bill Phillips, the founder of Transformation has changed so many lives and he is making his tools available to all of us for FREE! The neat thing to me is that his challenge and his program isn't just about loosing weight. It's SO much deeper than that - it is about transforming yourself into a better version of yourself. The weight loss is just a side effect of that :). There are assignments, support groups, radio programs, recipes, workout ideas and even more on the website.

By participating in the challenge you are also given the chance to win a bunch of $ - but the draw to the program for me is that I'm becoming happier. I haven't actually even officially registered for the chance to win the $ - I've just been working on becoming the person I know I'm meant to be. I'm focusing on becoming the daughter I know my Heavenly Father sent me here to become. I am reminding myself of the stewardship He gave me over this body and I'm trying to do what I can to return to Him one day and not be ashamed for destroying the beautiful creation he sent me with.

Overall the reason I know this program works - I'm feeling hope again. I'm finding myself wanting to make plans for the future. I'm doing things I wouldn't have done before (ran a 5K on Saturday - pictures to come soon). I'm feeling like there is something to work towards and that I'm doing something that helps me physically, spiritually and mentally. I'm remembering happier times in my life and excited for those again. I'm not feeling the depression and despair I was struggling with before starting this.

Yes, it's hard. Yes, there are days I don't want to keep working out every morning or when I really just want to cheat and eat junk food all day. But I'm learning that I deserve better than that. My family deserves better than that. I can be a better wife, friend, mother, daughter and a better ME by taking care of my body and mind.

So I thought I'd put this out there for any of you who could use a little more clarity in your life. Anyone who has tried other things and it hasn't worked - or to anyone who might even just want to work towards $50,000. As one of my friends said - what's the worse thing that could happen if you didn't win the money - at least you have a healthier body and mind - you definetly won't be a "looser" in any respect.

Good luck to all of the challengers and CONGRATS to Leslie for showing all of us that it's possible!

Last Chance! Sign Up Now... the Deadline is Feb. 15th!!! Chris Rile lost over 100 pounds of bodyfat while gaining strength and energy. He also started the first of January last year. You Too Can Better Your Life and Health with Bill Phillips' All-New Transformation Challenge 2010 Plus, You Could be Awarded $50,000 for Your Success! If you could transform your body in as little as 18 weeks so you would look and feel better with actual improvements in your health, would you accept the challenge? If you could improve your mental clarity and enjoy greater peace of mind during those 18 weeks, would you be interested? If it were possible to also improve your emotional and spiritual well-being and achieve a deeper level of fulfillment and happiness, would you? If the answer to any of these questions is, "Yes," then you owe it to yourself to give Bill Phillips' all-new Transformation Challenge 2010 a try. It's the first program ever that combines a scientifically safe and sound nutrition and exercise plan with 18 weekly lessons and challenging action steps which have been proven to help people develop a positive mindset, uplift their energy and emotions as well as expand spiritual awareness. Bill's teachings come alive in a way no book or magazine alone could allow. With weekly videos, audios and written information, he guides you step-by-step through the entire process. At this time, it's FREE and, not only that, if you accept the challenge and truly give it all you've got and stick with it from start to finish, Bill Phillips may pay you $50,000 to help spread the good word to others who might want and need to make healthy changes in their lives too. If that all sounds fair enough, click here now to sign up for the challenge today and plan on making the new year your best and brightest, happiest and healthiest ever! Leslie Groft, a 34 year-old mother of six transformed her body and life by beginning the challenge at the first of January 2009. Now it's your turn! Click here to learn more and sign up for the FREE Transformation Challenge 2010 today! To unsubscribe click here © Copyright 2010 Transformation Ventures, Inc. 10100 Santa Monica Blvd. Suite 1300, Los Angeles, CA 90067